


Dead to Me (HSR Ghost AU)

by GhostyPepperWrites



Category: Homestar Runner
Genre: Character Turned Into a Ghost, Fluff and Angst, HSR Ghost AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 00:35:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 26,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21938434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostyPepperWrites/pseuds/GhostyPepperWrites
Summary: The Strong Brothers move into the dreary Free Country, USA where they bought a house from a shady Homeschool Winner. Upon moving in, Strong Bad suspects something isn't right. Watch as Strong Bad makes an unlikely friend with the dead and gets himself roped into Free Country's biggest mystery; who killed Homestar Runner?
Relationships: Strong Bad/Homestar Runner
Comments: 5
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This AU is open source, so I encourage anybody to take this idea and put their own spin on it! I would love to see any fanworks from it.

January 3rd, 200X

As the sun rose up from the hills, creating an almost heavenly sky, the rays proceeded to stab me in my tired eyes. I parked the moving truck right in front of the house. Good, I needed a break.

The morning started off pretty underwhelming for the first moving day. It took only 4 hours to drive from Snoozeville, USA to Free Country. It's a shame because I was hoping to live a little further from the crapden I just got us out of.

Well, technically it was Strong Sad who got the money saved up for it. I just found the cheapest place we could afford that was still big enough for the 4 of us. It was still a crapden, but now it was MY crapden. That made all the difference at the end. Plus, furniture was included!

I looked over at the only passenger seat next to me, where The Cheat was fast asleep. I almost didn't want to wake him up from how peaceful he looked…

But I did it anyway. With a rough shake, I managed to get him up and fully alert.

"Ah, The Cheat! You're finally awake. Go let the other two out from the back." I demanded with my manly but tired tone.

While mumbling a few swears under his breath, The Cheat opened his door and hopped down from the seat. I watched him from the side view mirrors of the truck. Soon enough, my two brothers came stumbling out from the back of the truck. I can already tell they didn't have the best time back there for 4 hours straight.

I mean, it wasn't that bad. I only broke 1, 2, or possibly even 10 road safety laws on our way here. They need to grow a spine.

I eventually got bored of sitting at the wheel and came outside with the rest. My legs felt stiff. At least it felt nice to stand again.

Strong Sad sat right back down on the ground, as if he couldn't handle standing for another second. I noticed he was using his hand to rub the side of his head.

"Strong Bad, I think you gave me a concussion from your horrendous driving." Strong Sad whined.

"You'll live." I brushed it off quickly. I wasn't in the mood to deal with his complaints today.

I took a peak at the inside of the truck to see what we had to deal with. Since the house had furniture included, most of our crap was concealed in cardboard boxes. The heaviest thing we had to bring was our television set. Strong Mad immediately went right to work with the stuff, and I didn't even have to tell him!

Man, they grow up so fast. Speaking of growing up (or rather NOT growing up), Whiney McWhinstein was still sitting on the ground being useless.

"Hey, dumpus! Get off your fat angsty butt and do something! I'm pretty sure most of this garbage is yours." I snarled.

"I can't even take a moment to recover from my severe head trauma without being yelled at?" Strong Sad huffed as he pushed himself up.

We all grabbed at least one box from the van and began to walk towards the front door of our new home. We immediately stopped in our tracks when we heard the doorknob jiggling. Apparently we got here early enough for the owner to still be here.

When the door opened, the tall white figure flinched. He didn't seem to expect us either. He dusted off his blue t-shirt, clearing his throat as if he was getting ready for some long speech.

"Oh. I must apologize. I... didn't expect you fellows to be here so early." The tall man spoke timidly.

"Yeah, I took a few shortcuts." I explained

"Is THAT what that was? You made me flip around all over the place like Marry Poppins in a hurricane." Strong Sad piped out

"SHUSH. Anyway, is there any reason why you're still here? I assumed you would of been at the next town over by now."

"And I was planning that, but I thought it was fair to clean up a little before you fine gentlemen arrived. There was quite a few...stains that needed taken care of." The owner softly chuckled to himself.

Uck. What a creep.

"Here's my card. Call me if anything comes up." He then said before handing me his business card. Homeschool Winner Tech Support, and what I'm assuming is his business number.

"Uh, thanks I guess. Now scram!" I snapped.

That got him scampering him away. Thank god I didn't have to stand another second of that guy talking to me. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but something about him made me want to puke up my 3am Taco Bell Breakfast.

The rest of the day went on as normal. We explored the house and claimed dibs on whatever bedroom we wanted. I, of course, got the best room in the entire house. The walls were painted bright red, which is my favorite color (obvious statement is obvious). There was also a bed that looked like a racecar. Sure, it was kinda childish, but I didn't let that get to me. It was kinda cool.

It became more apparent the more I looked at it; this was intended to be a child's room. Or, at least a man child's room. There was a crate full of old action figures and comic books. I figured that I could pawn these off for some extra bucks when the bills came in. That's what made this room the BEST room in the entire house, like ever.

Strong Mad and Strong Sad were stuck with their BORING rooms that smelled like month old sour milk and eggs. My room kinda smells like that too, honestly. Not that I minded too much, because my stink will be dominating it soon enough.

I started unpacking a few of my things, making sure those idiots didn't break anything. I suddenly heard a noise from the outside of my bedroom door.

I paused.

Listening closely, it sounded like somebody walking along the creaky wooden floors. I thought it must be The Cheat since I could easily hear the other two stomping around from a mile away. I slowly opened the door to see.

I didn't see anybody there, and the noise stopped right after the door was opened.

"The Cheat? Was that you?" I asked.

I quickly glanced outside my bedroom window, only to realize The Cheat was back over at the van. He was carrying the last of the lighter stuff.

I closed the door firmly. It was probably my lack of sleep that was getting me all paranoid, jumpy, or other words that justify me hearing noises that aren't there.

Ah screw it, I'm taking a well deserved nap. Peace out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Strong Bad starts his ghost shenanigans. Oh, and Strong Sad is here too I guess.

January 3rd, 200X [CONTINUED]

So much for a decent nap.

I think I only slept for about 30 minutes until something woke me up. 

There I was, laying face down on the pillow. I was dreaming about my highschool crush(Valerie)...and a huge plate of nachos. I can't remember what else happened in the dream, but I guess it really doesn't matter. Then all of a sudden, I hear this whispering. I thought it was coming from the dream at first, but I was half awake by the time I heard it.

I couldn't exactly make out what was being said, but I know for a fact it didn't sound like anybody I knew! It was soft and lispy. It was kinda angelic if I'm completely honest. I could feel the cold breath huffing against the side of my head.

I jumped up, fully awake. I blinked a few times to process my surroundings. Nobody was there. Of course.

I slid out of bed while somehow feeling more exhausted than I already was. Maybe fresh air is what I need to clear my head. I walk over to my window and attempt that crack it open. It took a bit of force for the stubborn window to move at all, but I managed to get it at least halfway open.

I felt the cool breeze blow in. As the wind filled up my room with a satisfying chill, I started to feel at peace. I couldn't have this window open forever—its freaking January—but at least I can think about being cold instead of possibly going crazy. 

I took a moment to stare at the surrounding area. Wow, I know Free Country is supposed to be a "small town", but I don't think you could even qualify this as a village! It's just a bunch of empty fields with random concrete buildings scattered here and there. No wonder this house was cheap—the property value is practically non-existent!

I did notice a restaurant (?) and a concession stand. I might head over that way later. Food sounds really good right now...

Before I knew it, the window suddenly slammed shut. Either the wind just picked up or this house officially wants me dead. I stepped away from the window cautiously. Stupid house, I was going to close that window any dang way!

I decided to check on the others to see how they were coming along.

I first notice The Cheat and Strong Mad working on the TV. Strong Mad carried it all the way towards the front wall of the living room while The Cheat was messing around with the cable wires.

"Good work guys. Good work…" I mumbled, making it clear just how absolutely drained I was.

"YOU SHOULD TAKE A NAP." Strong Mad shouted, which admittingly woke me up a little.

"Already tried that. It's no use. It's probably...jet lag? Can you even get jet lag in a car? Car lag…"  
I said, mostly to myself.

The Cheat suggested that we both go get ourselves some coffee later. The only issue was that we had no IDEA where we could get a decent cup of joe.

"Yeah, maybe. Anyway, have you guys seen Dumpus Dumperson yet? I bet he's just sitting on the floor doing nothing productive—unlike me. I've been nothing but productive all day. I've done so many things today." I bragged truthfully. 

"BEDROOM." Strong Mad grumbled.

Huh. Not surprised in the slightest. I shrugged and headed upstairs to check on my baby brother. I walked in on quite the sight, let me lay it on you like this;

Strong Sad was standing in the center of his new bedroom, waving around an unscented candle and chanting like a drunk baboon. I guess it was my fault for not knocking. He suddenly stopped and slowly turned his head towards me.

"...May I help you?" Strong Sad asked, seeing nothing wrong with this situation.

"Uh…" I began, rubbing the back of my neck. "I was about to ask if you've seen anything weird, but this is probably the weirdest thing I'll ever see today."

"What do you mean? I'm just warding evil spirits away."

I never really thought of that. Sure, there's never been any scientific evidence of ghosts existing, but science also says I can't time travel—so screw science!

"Evil spirits? You mean like...ghosts and stuff? You mean this house could be haunted?" I asked excitedly (but definitely not in a nerd way).

"Possibly, but I doubt it. You can usually tell there's a haunting by the presence of a negative energy, which there was none. I mostly did it as a precautionary measure." Strong Sad said lamely.

"So...you did it just cus?"

"I suppose you can say that."

What a frickin dork. Strong Sad is the kind of person who will find a way to summon the devil himself just so he could borrow a cup of sugar for him.

"Hmm...what are other ways you can tell a house is haunted? Just out of curiosity." I spoke while taking a step closer.

Strong Sad blinked, seemingly surprised that I was interested in this ghost crap. The idiot had his mouth open for a hot minute before saying: 

"Bad smells, strange sounds, movements, sudden change in temperature, animal interactions...a lot of things, really."

"Oh, cool. Well if you have the box with all of the candles in it, can you hand me a few of those? Anything to get rid of this putrid egg smell." I huffed, turning to leave the room.

I stopped, however, as I got an earshot of Strong Sad's last reply;

"Egg smell?" He sniffed the air "Huh, I haven't really noticed it. Must be a dead animal in the walls or something." 

"I'll show you a dead animal in the freaking wall…"  
I mumbled as I stomped away.

Stupid Strong Sad, what does he know? He wouldn't know a ghost if it smacked him across the face. Tell you what—I'm keeping my eye out for any more suspicious and paranormal activity. I hurried back into my bedroom and dug through a cardboard box labeled "random crap". I pulled out an old tape recorder and a few blank cassettes.

My ingenious plan is to start recording audio when I sleep in hopes that I can capture some evidence to prove whether or not I'm being haunted. Not exactly the most high tech of ghost-hunting equipment, but it's the best I got.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the ghost is here! Now what?

January 4th 200X

You guys will NEVER believe what happened last night.

I got my tape recorder set up on my dresser, ready for what was to come that night. I had no idea if the tape had enough storage to last an entire night's sleep, but it was the best I had for a scheme so last minute. It worked out perfectly, because in the break of dawn, I woke up. The excitement got the better of me. I couldn't just go back to sleep when I may as well have had a ghost in my possession. 

Listening to that tape was like finding $10 underneath your pillow after borrowing your little brother's teeth for the night. I played it over and over again, listening closely to the content. 

Oh, it was a voice alright. Definitely a big speech impediment there. It's saying something along the lines of "Who are you" and "Hello there…[something something spooky stuff]".

Slowly, the revolution that I indeed had a ghost haunting me struck me like a truck once I started thinking about the circumstances. I still didn't know if this spirit was "friendly" or if it wanted to tear me to shreds. The best case scenario was that I could open this place up to be a real haunted attraction! I could get tourists and talkshow hosts to pay to enter my house and basically turn me into a billionaire. Worst case scenario? Death, and the chance of me getting stuck here too.

I decided that the best option was to consult an expert, that being my geeky little brother. As much as I hate talking to people first thing in the morning, I simply couldn't help myself.

I jumped out of bed and ran right over to Strong Sad's room. I pounded on his bedroom door hard enough for the impact to echo throughout the house. The door was soon yanked open by an annoyed Strong Sad. He let out a deep sigh when he saw me standing there.

"Strong Bad...it's barely 7am. Why do you insist on waking me up so early, and might I add, so aggressively?" Strong Sad complained as usual.

"Shut up and listen closely!" I shouted, unable to contain my excitement any longer. I shoved past Strong Sad with all of my might.

Before Crybaby Charlie could let out a peep, I pressed play on the tape recorder. I shoved it in his face, making sure he didn't miss a single syllable. I let the tape play at the exact moment I needed him to hear. I played it a few times over.

Eventually, Strong Sad had enough. He weakly shoved the tape recorder away.

"Strong Bad! You're doing a bit too much for a stupid prank. Could have you at least waited a few hours to execute your poorly fabricated joke?" Strong Sad whined.

I was taken aback by this ludicrous accusation. He really thinks I'm screwing around with him? Really? I mean, fair—but still! 

"What?? No! I'm not joking! I am completely serious. Have you ever seen me so freaking serious before? Because this is the most serious I'll ever be for as long as I live, Strong Sad!" I yelled, fist clenched and ready to send him to pound town.

Strong Sad simply blinked. He stayed silent, completely ignoring me. I watched as he stuck his fat hands into a box, pulling out a camera.

"If your goal is to convince me that ghosts are here, you'll need better evidence than that. Take my camera and record ANY paranormal activity you can find and I'll decide if it's real or fake." Strong Sad huffed before shoving the camera into my hands.

A small part of me started to regret pulling all of those pranks on Strong Sad before. It's not that I feel bad about DOING it (they were always amazing), but it really tanked my credibility. It's a Boy Who Cried Wolf situation—or rather a Handsome Strong Bad Who Cried Ghost situation.

"Fine! In fact, I'm going to document every single part of this madness—especially the part where I prove my idiot little brother wrong! Starting now!"

I whipped out the camera and quickly turned it on so that it could capture the weary look on Strong Sad's face.

"Please get out of my room now."

I wasn't going to let Strong Sad tell me what to do, so I left his room out of my own free will. Take that! Whatever, I had more important things to do than stay there anyway. I pretty much spent the rest of the day trying to find more evidence of this haunting.

Admittingly, I didn't get a whole lot. At least anything solid that could convince Dr. Picky Pipsqueak. The most I managed to find were some tilted picture frames and the faint stench of Grandma's Egg-saster. I figured my best option was to find the darkest, creepiest place in the house. That way, the ghost would feel more at home and more willing to scare my pants off.

I took a flashlight down to the basement. It was atrocious down there! The lights I turned on were constantly flickering, so it was better just to not have them on at all. Also, I think I found the source of the stench, because it is the worst I've ever smelled of it. If I don't find a dead body in this basement, I will be very surprised. And a little disappointed.

I sat myself down in the center of the basement, turning off my flashlight. Now sitting in complete darkness, I waited for contact.

"Hello...Mr or Mrs ghost? Are you with us...or whatever mumbo jumbo they say in the movies? Come on, man. I don't got all day!" I called out.

I sat there for a few minutes. Then, just as I was about to get up and call it quits, I felt a sudden chill. At first, I thought someone had left a window open or something, but the only windows were above ground level. There's no way a draft could have managed to make it's way all the way down here. I shivered, hugging my legs for warmth. A haunting sound echoed throughout the basement. It sounded like a groan, or maybe even a whimper.

"Ghost, if that's you, this isn't funny! Come out before I punch you back to last Thursday!" I shouted out, totally not scared.

Finally, it appeared. A soft blue light appeared in front of me. I had to shield my eyes from the intensity of it. Soon enough, it dimmed, allowing me to make out what it was.

It was definitely a ghost, tail and all. Presumably male with a large underbite and a lost look in his eyes. I was completely dumbfounded, so much in fact, that I apparently had my mouth wide open like a moron.

"...What are you doing with your mouth there? Is that how you breathe or something? You're a mouth breather, aren't you?" The ghost spoke with his obnoxious speech impediment.

"What? N-no I…" I cleared my throat. "I'm just a little... overwhelmed, and somehow underwhelmed at the same time."

The ghost stared down at me with a confused expression. At least I know he isn't hostile, he seemed far too stupid to hurt me intentionally. The ghost moved closer to me. His face was too close to mine for it to be remotely ok.

"What do ya mean? Isn't that why you came over to my house?" He asked, spitting little drops of what I can only assume to be ectoplasm. Gross.

"Your house? Wait, you wouldn't happen to be related to that Homework guy—" I began while I wiped ghost goop off of my face.

The ghost interrupted me.  
"Homeschool? Yeah, he's my older brother. He's kind of a drag. Oh!! Is that a movie camera? Gimme that!"

Before I could protest, he ripped the camera right out of my grasp and proceeded to fly around the basement with it.

"Wh-HEY! That's my little brother's camera! If you break that thing, he's going to do... probably nothing, but I'll be hearing about it for the next 6 months!" I stood up straight, making myself look tall.

"Awh, but it's so cool! You can probably record an entire film with this thing. Maybe like an action movie, with lots of explosions and stunts~" He chimed, turning the camera towards me. "I bet you would make a great stuntman!"

I jumped up as I tried grabbing it from mid air.  
"I know I would, but I need it for evidence, stupid!"

"Evidence for what?"

"Evidence that ghosts are real!"

"Ghost?? Where??" He then said, dropping the camera. I was lucky enough to have caught it before it hit the ground. Nearly gave me a heart attack. The ghost flew behind me like a cowardly cat.

"You! You're the ghost! Do you seriously not know you're—" I then shut myself up.

Maybe he didn't know he was dead yet? After all, there was no way of telling exactly how long he's been dead for. And the more I thought about the circumstances that lead me here, the more my brain started to connect the dots. This dump came cheap, shockingly cheap. I should have freaking known something was up!

Shame on me, I guess.

"I'm...what?" The ghost whimpered out.

"Dead! D-E-A-D! That has to be why your scummy brother sold the house for the price he did."

"But I...is that why no one else can hear me?"

At this point, I was starting to feel sorry for the guy. For all I know, his brother could have hacked him up and dumped the crime scene onto us. Also, how come I seemed to be the only one that could see or hear him?

"Have you tried revealing yourself to anybody else?"

"Of course I have! They never responded though. I was starting to think I did something to upset them." The ghost sniffled.

"Huh. That's a mystery or two worthy of solving. What's your name, Caspar?"

The ghost proceeded to aimlessly float around, even passing through my body at one point. It made me feel ill.

"Homestar Runner!" He cheered, seemingly in a brighter mood all of a sudden.

"Cool. I'm Strong Bad, but all the ladies call me The All-powerful Handsome Strong Bad."

"Can I call you The All-powerful Handsome Strong Bad?"

"Absolutely not."

I stopped recording, deciding that I had plenty of footage to make my case, and started to walk back upstairs and out of this disgusting basement. I passed by a creepy painting I didn't notice before, which gave me the ibbly jibblies.

Homestar the Annoying Ghost followed me back to the kitchen, where I went to make myself a cup of coffee. All of the energy I woke up with was finally starting to drain out of my system. Strong Sad was sitting down at the dining table, reading the newspaper.

"How's your ghost hunt going, hmm?" Strong Sad asked in a condescending tone.

"Fantastic. You have no idea what you're about to see."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Silly ghost time!! Totally nothing sad about this chapter at all. Nothing sad. At all.

[Continued from Ch3]

Ok, I think I've danced around the subject for far too long. You might be thinking to yourself: "Strong Bad, why is a hunk like you doing writing down journal entries?" I'll tell you why! It was Strong Sad's stupid idea.

"You know, keeping a personal journal full of your personal accounts is another great way to document your evidence." Strong Sad blabbered, looking up from his newspaper.

The ghost of Homestar Runner floated above my little brother. I still can't believe Strong Sad can't sense that thing's "negative energies" or whatever he called them. He looked over Strong Sad's shoulder.

"Oh boy, I hope it's Sunday! Those kitty cat comics are hysterical." Homestar mused. I can already tell this is going to get some getting used to.

"Shut up. I'm not going to write in a freaking diary like a preteen girl." I growled.

"I was going to say that you could sell your first hand encounters to a publication and make a ton of money, but you said you didn't want to so…" Strong Sad teased, sinking back into the newsprint.

"Wait wait WAIT!" I slammed my hands on the dining room table. "Fine! I'll do it. I'll post my findings online, too! I'm going to be on Ellen across every TV in America while you sulk on the couch, wondering what went wrong with your life!"

"I already do that. But do what you must to make your bizarre fantasy a reality." Strong Sad mumbled.

I nodded before walking out of the kitchen.  
"Come on, Homestar."

Homestar followed me out of the kitchen, much to Strong Sad's confusion. He gave me this look of bewilderment as I walked out. Not that I care what he thought, because I was going to prove the PANTS off of him.

So now you know why I'm writing this crap. I want to; 1). Get rich and famous and 2). Rub it in my brother's face. Got it? Good.

"Your brother seems nice." Homestar said idiotically.

"Shut up!" I snapped.

I lead Homestar to my bedroom. Or, technically it was his room...but he's dead now, so I have dibs on it. I now had three things: A tape recorder, a camera, and a blank notebook. Now all I have to do is make The Cheat set up our wifi, and I'll be set to go! Better record more material at the meantime.

"Ok so...what kind of stuff can you do as a ghost? Like super powers." I asked, making sure the camera was on and recording.

"I donno. I never really tried to do anything, things sorta happen on their own." Homestar blabbered. "Let me try something."

Homestar scanned the floor for anything he could test his abilities on. He decided on a raggedy old teddy bear. He stared at it intensely.

"...What on Earth are you doing?"

"Shh! I'm constipating...I mean concentrating."

Soon, the teddy bear was levitating in thin air. I was pretty impressed, but I didn't think that was good enough to satisfy my needs.

"What do ya think? Pretty cool, huh?" Homestar asked, staring at me with his puppy dog eyes. Ugh, how can a dead guy be so disgustingly adorable? I hate it. I hate him.

"Try lifting up something heavier." I suggested. I really needed to showcase just what this dork was capable of.

"Hmmm...well, if you say so!" He chimed before picking me up without hesitation.

I nearly dropped the camera as I felt myself levitating from the ground. It felt weird and I didn't like it one bit. I squirmed around as I attempted to get myself down. My heart was in my throat.

"Homestar! Put me down!! This isn't what I meant!" I yelled, kicking and thrashing around desperately.

Homestar gave me a disappointed look, then changed his tune immediately.  
"Ok!"

And with that, he dropped me on the floor. On my butt. I crashed down with a loud thud. I quickly looked over at the camera, which thankfully wasn't damaged.

"Ow! I think you just broke all of my butt bones…" I groaned in pain.

Homestar floated down, seemingly sorry for dropping me like that. He let out a whimper as a cartoonishly long frown was plastered on his face.  
"I'm sorry."

I huffed. "I guess it's fine. Just be more careful next time." I then looked up at Homestar, who was hovering above my laying body. 

My face suddenly felt hot, which I blamed on that temperature thing Strong Sad told me about. I reached my hand over to shove Homestar away as I sat up. My hand completely phased through Homestar and left a cold residue on my glove. Ectoplasm is just as gross as the movies make them out to be.

"Strong Bad, that tickles!" Homestar giggled.

"Gross." I spat, rubbing my hand against the wall to get that gunk off.

So he can go through walls, pick up stuff, what else?

"Can you posses stuff? You've seen The Exorcist, right?" I asked as I got up from the floor.

Homestar only stared at me. Man, did he have the stupidest look on his face. I'm starting to wonder if he died from hitting his head too hard or falling down the stairs, or something equally as dumb.

"...Im taking that as a no. I'm just asking if you've ever gone inside of someone, made their head spin 360°, and/or had them vomit profusely while speaking in tongues." I clarified

"Ew no. Why would I ever do that? That doesn't sound nice at all."

I growled "This isn't about being nice! You're a ghost for Pete's sake! Your job is to haunt this house and scare people away from your turf!"

Homestar stared at me again, but this time with a saddened expression. His head hung low and his eyes watered. Crap, is he about to cry? Wait, why do I suddenly care? Homestar let out a soft sniffle before slowly looking back up.

"I...I haven't talked to anyone in a long time. I wouldn't dream of scaring anybody away."

Wow, that certainly killed the mood. There's no coming back from this one, is there? Crap. We both sat there in the awkward silence. I felt every single second scrap by. I then cleared my throat.

"Just...forget I said anything about it. We can pick this up tomorrow, I need to run some errands." I quickly said, looking away from Homestar's face.

"Oh. Alright. I guess I'll just...hang out here." He spoke softly with a weak smile.  
"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine!"

I couldn't help but feel a sense of doubt after that statement, but I didn't want to show that I cared about him. I mean, why would I? I just met this thing. It could be the idea of dying so young that's getting to me. I know I wouldn't want to die as young as he did. At least I could wait until I was rich enough to buy a mansion so I could die in there, not some crummy suburban house.

"Don't get into any trouble while I'm gone. On second thought, cause as much damage as possible. It's good for my credibility." I laughed before walking out of my room.

Time to take a stroll down Free Country, USA.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Strong Bad gets himself out of the house and ends up with more than he expected to get out of the experience.

I left the house with The Cheat, who followed me from behind. There was a lot of crap on my to-do list that I wanted to get out of the way. I would of sent Strong Sad to do it, but I haven't had the chance to explore this dump yet.

"Hey, The Cheat. Before we go too far, we should check out that concession stand over there." I said, pointing towards the red building in the distance.

The concession stand was a faded red brick building with "Bubs concession stand" crudely spelled out on the sign. Half of the letters were either crooked or falling off, so it looked more like "Bubs Co__essio_ _tand". The rusty metal door was down where the window normally would be. I turned over to The Cheat, who wasn't very impressed.

"Hm. They aren't open. Ah well, let's just—" I began to speak right before the metal door opened. We both flinched. A blue man stared us down with a forced smile on his face.

"Gentlemen! Welcome, welcome! You weren't planning on running off without giving ol Bubs a visit now, were ya?" Bubs shouted.

"Uh...no. No! Of course not. So Bubs, is it? What do you got?" I asked, slightly weirded out.

"Oh I got all kinds of crazy crap. I got some soda pops, some hotdogs, knives, snow cones…" Bubs began listing off different things, most of which slipped my mind the more he added on.

I remembered that I was still pretty sore from my last encounter from Homestar. I doubted that anything else would happen between us, but it was probably a good idea to stock up on some bandaids in case things got out of hand. A few hotdogs for the road didn't sound too bad, either.

"You wouldn't have a first aid kit in stock, or at least a cheap pack of Batman bandaids? Oh—and two hotdogs." I requested.

Bubs turned away as he searched the back of the building for the items I asked for. Thankfully, he did have the first aid kit. He handed me the kit and the two dogs. "That'll be $5.01!"

I dug for my wallet in my back pocket. Upon glancing down inside, I noticed I was exactly one cent short. "Crap! The Cheat, do you have a penny on you?" I asked desperately. The Cheat shook his head.

The blue man's smile soon faded. He looked between the both of us before letting out a sad sigh. "You know what? Just take it. I don't need that extra penny anyhow."

I raised an eyebrow as I placed the $5 on the counter. "You sure, man? I can probably find a penny or two under the couch back home real quick—" I would have normally taken the opportunity, but it was a whole cent I was skipping out on. That didn't sound like much of a gain. It didn't help that the guy looked so sad about it, either.

"No, it's fine man. Nobody really swings by here anymore. I enjoy the company good enough." Bubs muttered, not as enthusiastic as he was before. God, Homestar and Bubs should really hang out, seeming as they have a lot in common already.

"Well...if you insist. I'll see you later man." I shrugged as I speed walked away from the stand. That entire situation made me feel uncomfortable. Like, scarily uncomfortable. I'd like to think I simply just caught him on an odd day, but I also think my life would be better if I didn't talk to him again. At least the hotdogs were pretty good.

We continued to walk around the empty wastelands of Free Country, USA. There isn't a whole lot besides a few houses, a gross looking marshmallow restaurant, and a large football field. That field could be cool to use for various shenanigans, such as throwing javelins at Strong Sad. I convinced The Cheat to check it out with me.  
"It won't be weird this time, I promise."

We strolled to the football field and it looked relatively normal so far. Unlike the stand, the field seemed as though it was taken care of.

"See? This is pretty cool. Imagine all of the stuff we can do out here!" I smiled at The Cheat. I felt a lot better already. 

That is until I noticed a man sitting on one of the bleachers. I don't think he noticed that The Cheat and I were there at first. I picked up a rock and threw it in his direction. It didn't hit him, but it was enough to catch his attention. The man, wearing a green jumpsuit looking thing, blankly stared back at us. A drunken gaze. I knew it all too well. Without saying a word, he got up and stumbled towards us.

"Ey there, fellas. I haven't seen yar arounds before. Whatre ya do?" He asked once he got close enough for us to smell the Listerine on his breath. We went right back to the creep factor, huh? Great.

"Uh...yeah. I'm Strong Bad, this is my sidekick—" I was cut off by a rough nudge. "I mean—my partner, The Cheat." I corrected myself. "We just moved in."

"Ah, fresh faces. Exorctly what this town needed. Ya fellas play sports?" He slurred, barely able to keep his focus.

"Do we? Man, we dominate sports like it's nobody's business! The Cheat and I are an unstoppable force!"

"Oh that's great news! Ya see, I haven't had a decent orflete on my side in a long time. The last one I had…" He trailed off. He stood in silence once more before shaking himself back into reality.

"I'm—I'm Coach Z by the way. Uh, feel free to go into my orfice and grab a form. You can get that signed and brought back to me whenever. I'm...not exactly the busiest guy in the warld." Coach Z let out a loud yawn.

"Cool, thanks. I'll just grab them and be on my way." I waved goodbye as I quickly made my way over to the entrance of the locker room. Oh boy, did I regret that visit.

I wasn't there for too long, as the environment itself could easily be a breeding ground for rare diseases and parasites. I covered my mouth to avoid the scent that was slowly killing me. I soon found myself in the coach's office room, which only had a pathetic looking wooden desk and a duct-taped office chair. Before grabbing the athletic forms, I looked over at the left side of the coach's desk.

There was a photo of him and what seemed to be a living version of our little ghost pest, Homestar. They were both holding a large golden trophy. The smile on their faces (at least clearly visible on Homestar) was a bittersweet addition to the whole thing. That must of been the athlete Coach Z was talking about. Small world.

I decided that I had enough outside time for today. I grabbed The Cheat and hurried back home. Everyone in this town was off putting in their own unique way.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More shady characters and more questions leaves Strong Bad starving for answers.

Ok so, as it turns out, this place was a lot bigger than I thought it was. I'm not saying we got lost, totally not. 

"Hey The Cheat, do you remember where our house was?" I asked, looking down at him.

The Cheat glared at me with his stubby arms crossed. He wasn't in the mood to deal with my crap today. The Cheat then said something about asking the lady tending to her garden. I don't know how she could possibly help us, but she can at least point us to the direction of the first place we visited. At least, I assumed that was the plan.

The lady in the purple dress was tossing dirt around while baby talking her vegetable sprouts. Not as bad as the other people I've met today, but definitely still in the weird factor. She had the added benefit of being hot—at least for a broomstick. I cleared my throat as I approached her.

"Excuse me, ma'am. Uh, my friend and I just moved in and we were wondering if you had a map to this place. We...kinda got carried away." I explained, leaning myself against her fence to look cool.

The lady turned to me with her eyebrow raised. She then looked over at The Cheat, which brought excitement to her face.

"Awhh...he's so cute! What is he, though?" She asked

"...I don't know, actually. I think he's like a cat that went horribly wrong." I commented. The Cheat then growled at me.

"Ah, I see. Let me get you boys some lemonade." She sang before disappearing into her kitchen through the back door.

"Ma'am we just need some dire—" I called out in vain. Crap. "This was your stupid idea." I snarled, kicking The Cheat with my foot.

She eventually came back with the lemonade, which was still a little strange considering the fact that it wasn't even close to being spring yet. I only now just realized how strange it was that she was gardening in the middle of January. What could possibly be in season right now? Burr-berries??

"Uh, thanks? You are aware that it's still winter, right?" I asked with a hint of concern in my voice.

"That shouldn't matter too much. Global warming and all." She responded while handing me a glass.

"Er...yeah. Sure. Well thanks for the not-help, Miss—"

"Marzipan" She chimed "You're Strong Bad, right?"

I paused "How the crap did you already know my name?"

"Word spreads around pretty quickly around here. You moved into my ex's house. Good thing, too. That place was starting to fall apart."

"Oh, so you DO know where it is?"

"Mhm. It's right across from mine." Marzipan then said as she pointed a garden shovel towards the front of her house. I kicked The Cheat again extra hard for making us look this stupid in front of this chick.

Marzipan let out an offended huff. "I think you should get going. I wouldn't stay here for long if I were you."

"Fine! And also, your lemonade tastes like crap! It needs more sugar." I poured the glass of lemonade onto the snowy ground before stomping away.

"Geez, what was her deal about? Everyone in this freaking town has a problem! God, I hate it here!" I muttered to The Cheat in case Marzipan overheard us.

The more I thought about it, the more creeped out I got. There's a ghost living in my house, everyone here is either depressed or on edge—there is no way both of these things are just an unfortunate coincidence! There's something going on here and I'm getting to the bottom of it! I'm angry. No. I'm fuming with rage! I didn't want to get roped into this mess, but I don't got no choice now! This is going to keep me up at night.

"You said we still needed to get our wifi set up, right? I got a VERY urgent phone call to make the minute we get home." I concluded.

Once we finally got home, we both took a minute to warm up after being outside for so long. That cold lemonade was an awful idea. What the heck was that lady thinking? I made a cup of Hot Jones for The Cheat and I to drink. Decemberween may have been a month ago, but that won't stop me from indulging in the seasonal beverage anyway.   
The Cheat presented me with his phone, which reminded me about that phone call.

"Oh, right. I'm going up to my room for uh, privacy." I took my mug of Hot Jones upstairs with me along with The Cheat's phone.

Homestar was on my bed waiting for me. He sulked on my bed, curled up like a cat. He only brightened up once he saw me standing right in front of him.  
"Strwong Bad! You're back!! I missed you so much!"

"I was only gone for an hour." I rolled my eyes as I pressed the mug of Jones towards my lip.

"An hour is a really long time, though. I thought you weren't gonna come back!" He whimpered. Homestar proceeded to follow me around the room like a lost puppy.

"Geez man, will you get out of here? I have to call your brother. It is VERY important and I don't need you pestering me." I snapped at him. Homestar didn't go away, but he at least kept his dumb mouth shut for a bit.

I placed the mug of Hot Jones on the dresser. Grabbing the business card I was given by Homeschool yesterday, I dialed the number on the card. I pressed the phone against my ear and waited for it to ring. It wasn't long until the King of Kreep picked up.

"This is Homeschool Winner Tech, how may I be of service to you?" He asked, spitting all over the place with that stupid lisp of his.

"There is a LOT you can do, actually! You can start by explaining exactly what the crap is going on in this town!" I shouted over the phone.

Homeschool must have recognized my voice immediately. He stayed silent for a moment.  
"...Strong Bad. Don't listen to whatever people tell you about the house. They're all just rumors."

"Rumors? You mean the rumor that you axe murdered your brother and left the crime scene?" 

"Are people really saying that about me…?" Homeschool asked with a surprisingly heart broken tone.

"Well, no, but that's what I'm assuming happened. You better start explaining yourself before I call the cops!"

"The police already investigated the home a month ago. They couldn't find any evidence of a murder. It could of been an accident or—

"That sounds like a bunch of bologna to me! He might be stupid, but that sounds WAY too convenient to be true."

"How on Earth would you know how stupid he was?"

"BECAUSE HES SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO ME AS A FREAKING GHOST!" I suddenly yelled. I didn't mean to let that all out, but now I sound like the crazy one.

I didn't get a response from the other end, although I could still hear him breathing shallowly.

"...Look, man." I started again. "If you could come back over and help us with the internet, I promise not to mention your dead brother again."

"I'll be over tomorrow morning." Homeschool sighed before hanging up on me.

I slowly turned towards Homestar, who was awkwardly staring at me. "Could you have at least let me say hello?"

"I don't think he would of been able to hear you through the phone. As far as I can tell, I'm the only person who can see and hear you, unfortunately." I admitted.

"Oh. Ok. Being dead kinda sucks, huh?" Homestar asked, forcing a weak smile on his face.

"Dude. Don't look at me like that. You make me want to cry. We're going to figure out this crap together, then maybe your soul will be at rest in the afterlife—or however this ghost stuff works."

Homestar gasped before shifting into a more genuinely happy expression. "You would really do that for me??Wow! You are such a nice guy!"

Without thinking, he lunged in for a hug. He only managed to phase through my body again.

"Ew, quit doing that!" I growled.

"Oh right, sorry." Homestar apologized.

I suddenly heard my bedroom door opening. I quickly turned, only to see The Cheat standing there with his eyes wide open. Poor guy must of heard me screaming like a mad man.

"Hey buddy. The owner is going to be here tomorrow morning." I told him casually, although that didn't stop him from looking just as scared. He stood there staring at us. Was it really that bad out of context?

Homestar stared back at The Cheat, as if trying to make out what he was looking at. He grinned and even glowed a little, seemingly more solid looking (well, sorta anyway.)

"Is that your dog thingy? Can I pet him?" Homestar then asked, flying over towards The Cheat, who was frozen in place.

Soon, however, The Cheat yelped and ran out of the room as fast as he possibly could. I don't think I've ever seen him move so fast before!

"Was was that about?" Homestar asked while turning towards me.

"I...I think he just saw you, dude."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A visit from Homeschool Winner sets Strong Bad on the path to seek vengeance on Homestar's behalf. He just can't help but feel sorry for that cute ghost.

January 5th, 200X

So we got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that we got the wifi up and running finally! That means you'll be seeing all of this online...which you probably already are since I've been scanning the pages from the past 3 days. So...yeah. Welcome, new fans. I'll be updating you guys on the computer from now on. 

I should also advertise my email: strongbad@ghostspot.com. I was going to call my blog the "g-spot", but The Cheat didn't think that was a great idea. If you guys got any questions about the ghost, or the incredible everyday life of Strong Bad, send me an email.

Anyway, enough beating around the bush. Here's the bad news;

Homeschool stopped by earlier this morning to help us set up the wifi. It took a little more effort since I was using an older computer, but I knew he could manage. I made some smalltalk with him as he worked, which wasn't too bad. I eventually worked my way up to the subject of Homestar again.

"So I'm assuming you liked your brother, right? You wouldn't have any motivation to harm him in any way, shape, or form?" I asked, sitting on the floor as I watched him work.

"Why of course I did. I'm offended that anyone would assume it was me that killed him. Imagine if you were accused of the deaths of one of your brothers." Homeschool grumbled.

Strong Sad poked his head out from the doorway to see how he was doing. "I wouldn't be surprised if Strong Bad killed me, or at least wanted to."

"Strong Sad, you aren't helping. Why don't you go mind your own dang business?" I shot a glare at my baby brother.

"You shouldn't talk to your brother that way." Homeschool spoke grimly.

"Look man, I'm sorry your brother is dead, but that doesn't invite you to tell me what to do with my life!"

"If you truly feel that way—" He faced away from the computer and towards me. "Imagine a scenario where YOU died instead. Do you think your brothers would grieve over you after how you've treated them all of your life? They probably wouldn't miss you. Perhaps they would celebrate your passing instead."

"Jesus Christ, man! That's a little messed up."

"That's what happens when you don't appreciate the ones you love before they go." Homeschool sighed before getting right back to work.

I turned back towards the doorway, only to see that Strong Sad already left. I felt a pain in my stomach. I tried to ignore it for now as I kept the small talk.

"What about his friends? Anyone who could have had secret intentions?"

"I never really liked his friends all too much, but none of them seemed like the type to take another's life. I do not understand why you are so persistent on asking something that isn't your business."

"It is my business now. Nobody in this town acts like a normal person because of this! It's creepy and sad." I resisted the urge to compare Free Country to Strong Sad. "Besides, I told you about the ghost, right?"

"I don't believe in ghosts"

"I didn't ask what you believed in. You could believe in the bear holding a shark for all I care! My point is, I am the only person who can make things right. That way, everyone can finally move on from this, even you." I spoke sternly.

Homeschool didn't say anything. We both sat there in silence for the rest of the time. Eventually, Homeschool moved away from my computer, which seemed to be working perfectly with the internet. He looked at me again with a melancholy gaze. That's when I noticed the bags under his eyes; he probably hasn't slept in a while.

"If you could solve the case, I'll be pleasantly surprised. I still think it is a smart idea to mind your own business in case the so-called "murderer" catches on. Call me again for TECH purposes, please." Homeschool huffed. He made his way out the door.

I couldn't help but watch him leave. It was almost like I could feel him aching the closer he was to me. He carried some sort of energy that brings you down with him. I'm probably talking nonsense right now. It's not like I care about him, or Homestar for that matter, so why do I feel so bad? This whole situation has been painful and confusing. Wait...crap. Speaking of Homestar, where was he?

Apparently he was waiting for his brother to leave, because the minute he was gone, Homestar clipped through the ceiling. He still had that dumb happy look on his face. Hopefully he didn't hear anything.  
"Hey Stwong Bad!"

"Hey Homestar. What's going on in your little ghost world?" I asked as I took a seat in front of my computer.

"Nothing much. Whatcha doing?"

"I'm uploading my journal entries online. You are going to make me one rich man one day, Homestar. Just think about it; you and me on the big screen as the world's most famous ghost and ghost finder/detective!"

"Detective?" Homestar tilted his head. "Are you gonna solve some mysteries with a rag tag team of teenagers and a dog?"

"I was hoping to go solo, maybe with The Cheat helping out every now and then. But...I could ask you about everything you remembered before you died."

Homestar floated down a bit more so we were face to face. He sat there and thought and thought his tiny ghost brain out. I could of sworn I saw smoke start to come out of his head by the time he finished.

"I think I remember... talking to Bubs about something. I think I almost bought something from him, but then I didn't? And then I went to track practice with Coach Z. I talked to Pom Pom at some point...I broke up with my girlfriend—"

"Ok ok, stop. That's way more than I needed to know. My head is about to explode with all of that freaking info."

Great. We have a list of potential suspects. Bubs, Coach Z, whoever Pom Pom was, and what I can only guess to be Marzipan.

"Do you remember anything that happened? Anything... violent? Or scary? Or anything relevant?"

"Hmmm...no, not really. I'll keep thinking about it, though!"

"...Ok, you go do that."

I decided to head down to the basement to see if I could find any clues or tools that can help us later. I forgot to bring a flashlight, so most of my time was spent blindly stumbling around. I found that one creepy painting I found last time. I immediately threw it as far as I could away from me. Ugh. Why does he even have that? After digging around some more, I found an old trench coat. Not only will this help keep me warm, but it'll also help me look like a legit detective! All I needed was a pipe and a gun. Maybe a gun with like…a pair of nunchucks taped to it. Yeah! That sounds pretty sweet.

Homestar soon floated down to where I was. His phantom glow provided a small amount of light for me to see with.

"Oh thanks Homestar." I muttered.

I continued to search around the basement while trying to ignore the rotten egg scent that was still present. I've been getting used to it the longer I stay here. I knocked over an old cardboard box and a bunch of crap fell out from it. I didn't think any of it was important. That is, until Homestar completely lost it over one of the items.

"My old hat! He kept my hat!" Homestar cheered, picking up a faded red and blue propeller hat from the pile of junk. He held it close to him. I guess I can sort of understand the importance of it, considering that it's the only physical part of his being we've managed to find so far.

"How convenient." I groaned.  
I'm still not entirely convinced that Homeschool is innocent, but I also don't have any evidence (yet).

"Oh that reminds me! I got to show you something I learned while you were gone!!" Homestar smiled excitedly. He stared long and hard at the hat, as if trying to focus on it with all of his will. Soon, his ghost body was sucked into the hat. The hat now had a faint glow surrounding it.

"I turned myself into a hat, Stwrong Bad!"

"I hate you." I sighed.

That was pretty cool at least. Homestar could now possess inanimate objects. We'll have to work on that possessing living people thing, though. I picked up the faintly glowing but otherwise normal hat. God, weird is becoming the new normal around here, huh?

"Wait, I have an idea. Don't leave the...body of the hat. Or whatever you would call it." I commanded.

"Uh, ok" Homestar said.

I carried the talking hat back upstairs with me.  
Now yesterday, I took some time to do more research on ghosts using some of Strong Sad's books. Apparently ghosts can't really get too far away from whatever place they're haunting. But, if they possess an inanimate object, they can pretty much go anywhere they are taken to. I'm going to see if this loophole applies to dear dead Homestar.

I stepped outside, still holding the Homestar–possessed hat in my hands. I continued to walk further and further away from the house until I was about 30 feet away.

"Homestar, you still in there?" I asked as I shook the hat a bit.

"Uhm, yeah. I think? You're making me dizzy…" Homestar replied.

That was a good enough answer for me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
[Scene: I am in my office, smoking a cigarette. I'm in black and white, like all of Strong Sad's crummy french films. I look out the window to see that it is raining. I pick a smooth jazz record to play as I brood over the rain.]

My name is Detective Strong Badimen. I've been working in this town for exactly 2 days and 8 hours. I had just recently inherited a house where a murder had taken place. A loss of a life is tragic, even the most stupid and worthless of them.

While I stared at the rain epically, I heard the door of my office open. Or no...wait. Rather than opening the door, my client simply phased through the door like it was nothing. I turned to him with an annoyed look.

It was the ghost of Homestar Runner, the victim of the murder. His soft, ghostly face graced me with his world famous moronic smile. Just staring at that fellow filled me with an unexplainable aching in my chest. Homestar's eyes were bright and seemingly as lively as they would have been alive. He was the kind of guy who would make you forget he was dead.

The ghost faced me with a stern yet confused expression. "Strwong Bad, is that a crayon you're holding against your mouth?"

I took the totally-not crayon away from my mouth. "No! Why would I have a crayon? That's stupid."  
I cleared my throat.

I decided to cut to the chase since neither of us were willing to sit around the office for much longer. I took out the case files and placed them down flat on my desk. Coffee stains dotted the pages like a diseased cow.

"Oooh...what's that?" Homestar asked.

The first file contained suspect number one: Coach Z, age ???, Coach for the Free Country Sports League since 1970. Part time rapper, full time bio-hazard. Relationship to Homestar: Coach—

"Coach Z? Oh man. That guy was like a dad to me! I never met my real dad before."

"...Really? Hm. Me neither."

—and father figure, apparently.

Next was Bubs. Shady business man with questionable methods. He always had that unnatural smile plastered on his face, teeth bared like that of a donkey. I found reports of felons such as thievery, money laundering, and the selling of illegal Kinder Surprise Eggs. Relationship to Homestar: Customer, friend (?)

"Bubs is pretty cool. He did once sell me a pinata full of broken glass, though."

"Interesting…"

Next, we got Marzipan. A dame with an unhealthy obsession of gardening and environmentalism. Probably has a liberal arts degree. She also performs at a lot of hippie concerts according to local reports. Relationship with Homestar: (ex)girlfriend.

"If I remember correctly, we've broken up over 56—no, 57 times. And that was only last month!"

"What? You think after the third breakup, she would of given up by now. She must really like crawling back to you."

"Actually...I'm usually the one who crawls back."

"Oh yikes."

That was all of the information I managed to find for our three main suspects. These might not be the only three to be interrogated if new information comes.

"I think we're ready to go. The Cheat!" I called out from my office.

The Cheat hesitantly entered the room. A nervous rookie detective with a sour attitude. Not the best, but I'll take what I can get. He anxiously eyed Homestar as he walked over to me.

"Will you calm down already? Trust me, you'll get used to him watching you 24/7." I patted The Cheat on the head.

I grabbed my trench coat from the rack and put it on myself. I remembered to grab Homestar's hat. It's weird, but it's the only way I can take him anywhere outside of the house. If any of you guys have better ideas, though, please tell me.

With that said and done, we made like a banana and split out of this joint.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You guys better be back before dark. I don't want you to be locked out without a key again, Strong Bad." Called out Strong Sad from the living room, completely ruining the film noir aesthetic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can "email" Strong Bad in the comments section of this fic, by the way!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The calm before the emotional storm.

[Strong Bad Note: I feel like I didn't explain Homestar's hat situation all that well. It's kinda like a mobile home for him to haunt, I guess. We quickly found out that he can pop his head out, although it's a lot harder to see him in pure daylight. It's stupid, I hate it.]

"Ok Homestar and The Cheat. Let's roll."

Our first stop was to Bubs Concession Stand. That small red building must be hiding some big secrets, I could feel it.

As expected, the stand was closed. The rusty metal door was down with a sign that said "We'll be back soon!" written on it. Like I would fall for that again. I banged my fist against the metal door, hearing a satisfying clink each time. The door soon opened with an annoyed Bubs on the other side of it.

"Strong Bad! Can't you read the sign? I'm busy!" Bubs yelled at me.

"Strwong Bad, maybe we should leave him alone…" I heard Homestar whisper to me.

"No way, man! Bubs—I need to ask you a few questions." I shifted my focus back to Bubs.

"Fine, but make it quick." Bubs sighed. He leaned against the counter, keeping his eyes on me.

"Homestar Runner. Brother of Homeschool Winner. Heard of him?" I asked as I placed Homestar's hat down on the counter.

Bubs went to say something, but upon seeing that hat, the man became speechless. He looked back up at me. "Where'd you get this from, kid?"

"I found it." I replied.

"Uh, actually I found that hat…" The Ghost of Homestar said, although I ignored him for now.

"Talk to me, Bubs! Were you at least acquaintances with the guy??"

"Ok, yeah, I was! What about it? How is it any of your business?"

"Why are you getting defensive?"

"I'm not getting defensive! I just don't understand why you need to know!"

Homestar suddenly chimed in, despite Bubs not being able to see or hear him: "Can you guys please stop fighting?" Homestar whimpered.  
It was faint, but I could sort of make out a tense look on his face.

"Strong Bad?" Bubs asked. I must of spaced out when Homestar was talking to me.

"Look—I couldn't help but notice something was wrong around here. I'm on a mission. A mission from...god." I answered.

"Why are you quoting Blues Brothers?"

"Why AREN'T you quoting Blues Brothers? That's a really good movie. I'm getting off track. Just give me something, anything."

Bubs looked around cautiously. It was as if he was worried about being seen. He then beckoned us: "You two meet me out back." with a whisper.

I hesitated for a moment. Should I really trust this guy? He wasn't being very cooperative up until now. We could be walking into a deathtrap for all I know. I looked over at my two lackeys, only to see that The Cheat was already making his way around the back of the building. Homestar must have noticed the look of concern on my face because he attempted to comfort me.

"Do you want to hold my hand?" Homestar smiled stupidly as he asked. I couldn't tell if he was joking or being serious.

"I—Oh shut up!" I brushed it off quickly. I followed The Cheat to the back of the concession stand.

Bubs let us inside of the concession stand, which was a lot bigger than it looked. The room had various different items stocked on shelves and in corners. Bubs walked over to a dusty old file cabinet. He pulled it open and revealed rows upon rows of old news prints. They were all labeled with the dates in which they were printed and distributed.

He pulled out an issue from December 23rd and handed it to me. The front page had an article about the murder in question.

"If you're going to go down this rabbit hole, you can at least start at the surface." He said to me.

I glanced through the page, picking up keywords that could be important. Apparently Homestar was fatally wounded near the football field and came home instead of to a hospital. Of course he would be that freaking stupid! There was a pair of hedge shears found at the crime scene.

I gave the newspaper to The Cheat to keep.  
"Pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Bubs."  
I nodded before leaving. He didn't say anything to us as we left.

"Well? What did it say?" Homestar asked obnoxiously. "Hmm? Hmm?"

"According to the paper, you were attacked near the football field with a pair of hedge sheers and proceeded to walk home without seeking medical attention. Does any of that sound familiar?"

Homestar didn't say anything. He stared off into space with this fish eyed look. It was creeping me out, so I went to snap him out of it. I waved my hand in front of his face and called out his name. 

"Homestar? Homestar! Hey! Homestar! Homestar please—" I yelled, increasingly getting louder.

"Hm? What's up?" Homestar then snapped out of it like it was nothing.

"... Nevermind. L-lets just move on." I cleared my throat. We all continued to walk to our next location: Marzipan's house.

I'll be honest; I've never seen Homestar act like that before. It was kinda frightening seeing him just...stop. It was like the entire world was paused for him. Did he see anything? Did he remember? I couldn't stop thinking about it on our way there. I don't know why I was so worried about a guy who was already dead, but it hurt to think about nonetheless. I wondered if he was starting to get stressed from talking with these people. Having to hear about your death constantly could have an impact on you. But hey, what do I know?

We approached Marzipan's house, where she was tending to her garden as usual. Although there wasn't as much snow on the ground as there was yesterday, it was still strange to watch her taking care of basically nothing. 

Homestar stared at her longingly. With a frown, he flew as close as he could to Marzipan, who still hasn't noticed any of us there. 

"Marzipan?" Homestar attempted to speak to her with no luck. "Hello?? Marzipan?"

Marzipan didnt answer. No crap she didn't answer! Homestar keeps forgetting that only two people can see or hear him and I really hate reminding him constantly. I couldn't let him subject himself to this. It hurt too much. I invited myself into her garden with The Cheat following me from behind. 

"Marzipan!"

She turned to me with a scoff. "What do you want now?"

"Marzipan it's me, Homestar! Please listen to me…" Homestar still kept talking to her for some reason. How pathetic…

"I need to ask you a few questions." I huffed, pointing my finger at her.

"Well? Go on, then. What is it?" She said with a less aggravated tone.

I took a few steps closer to her. She took a few cautionary steps back. "Where were you on the 23rd of December and what were you doing?"

Marzipan blinked. "Why do you need to know all of that for? Wait, you aren't a cop are you?"

"Why so scared, Marzipan? A sweetheart like you wouldn't have any issues with law enforcement, right?" I took another step forward.

She let out a defensive sigh. "Well if you MUST know, I was doing some field work. Coach Z invited me to help the place look gorgeous the day before the big game."

"The "Big Game" falling on Decemberween Eve?"

"Precisely." She nodded innocently. "My boyfriend was rambling on about something to me when Coach Z asked to see him in his office. I didn't see him after that."

"Coach? But...wait…" Homestar said to himself.

I would of accepted that answer and moved on, seeing how gross and shady that Coach Z guy was. There was one thing that bugged me about that story.

"What about the hedge shears that was found at the field? The one Homestar supposedly hurt himself with?"

Marzipan shrugged. "Nobody else was there by the time that happened. Well, except the Coach of course. I actually went back the next morning to pick up my supplies and finish the job."

She then told me how she was stopped by police, within 10 feet of the scene.

"I left my supplies in Coach Z's locker room for safe keeping overnight. Homeschool took me home while Homestar and Coach Z had a moment."

The more the dame explained herself, the more holes I kept finding in this story. For some reason, she loved to mention Coach Z's name a bajillion times. I'd figured that she believed Coach Z must have been responsible since he was the last person Homestar was with. Granted, I would believe that if that was the only thing. I felt as though she kept adding things on to prove her innocence while throwing unrelated people under the bus.

"What about Homeschool? You said he took you home that night. What was he doing there and why did he take YOU home and not his own freaking brother?" I spat as I became increasingly more frustrated.

"Well, he was there to help set up the new jumbo screens the sports league got. He did try to talk me into waiting for Homestar to be done, but I don't like being out so late."

I narrowed my eyes.  
"Ok, that's enough. I'm coming back for a second serving, so you BETTER watch it, sister!"

"That's fine."

"Oh and uh...are you available later? Maybe we can grab dinner sometime—"

"Strwong Bad!" Homestar called me out in a hoarse tone.

"Sorry, Strong Bad. I'm not interested." With that last statement, she turned back to her garden.

Pff. Whatever. She isn't my type anyway. I'm not into girls who spend hours outside digging pointlessly in the snow. Besides, Homestar didn't look too happy about me asking in the first place.

We left the scene with no other direction to go than straight to Coach Z. I held Homestar's hat tightly in my hands.

"Stwrong Bad…" Homestar began, sounding tired. "Why did you take me with you? I mean...it's not like I'm doing much."

"I can't just leave you at home to be depressed!"

"Why? Because you feel bad for me or something?"

"No I—"

"Oh. Right. I forgot, the fame and glory stuff. I gotcha." Homestar looked away.

Man, did the thing I said really upset him that much? I assumed since they were broken up that it wouldn't matter. I don't understand.

"Homestar, I'm sorry about that thing back there…"

"What? No. No it's fine. Really! I'm fine." Homestar tried to sell me with his fake grin, which faded away in seconds.

"...I appreciate the apology though. You're a good friend when you want to be." He then said with a sheepish smile.

I'm a good friend? We're friends now? I guess we are. I mean, having a ghost friend is kinda cool. Maybe I shouldn't be so quick to release his soul. Actually, this crime doesn't have to be solved right away. It'll probably take months or even years for the murder to be solved. Until then, I think I could grow to like Homestar more.

"I think you're a pretty good friend too. Being dead and all." I chuckled. "Do you still want to go to Coach Z's place?"

"Of course I do! Don't be so silly."

I'm still not entirely convinced that he's ok, but what's the worst that could possibly happen? We spent the rest of the trip to Coach Z's talking to each other and occasionally messing around with whatever we could find along the way. 

Yeah, I think I like this. I like this a lot. I want more moments with him to be like this.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Strong Bad investigates Coach Z last, causing him to unintentionally bring out the worst in everybody involved.

The final destination of the day was upon us. The field was empty, covered by a thin layer of snow. It didn't look like anybody had even stepped foot on it, as if would of been imprinted on the otherwise untouched snowy surface. Coach Z must of been in his office. Or maybe his house but... something tells me he doesn't even have a house.

We walked over to the locker room door, only to realize it was locked. Damn it! Remember the good ol days when people used to leave their doors unlocked? You could just invite yourself in anytime you want! Everything is about security now-a-days.

"Hey Homestar, can you see if the coach is inside?"

"Ok...but how?"

"Wh- Homestar. You can phase through walls, remember??" I scolded the idiot.

"Oh yeah! Ok!" Homestar laughed before phasing his head through the door.

Man, that laugh. It sounded like a suffocating wood elf inside a helium balloon. The way he wheezes when he isn't even laughing that hard, the way he snarks and snorts, it's all very...very…

"Strwong Bad!"

"H-huh?" I shook my head, bringing my attention back to Homestar.

"I said Coach Z is in his office! Maybe I should try to go get his attention!" Homestar giggled to himself before phasing completely through the building.

"Homestar, wait! You don't know how far you can go!" I called out, but he was already through.

I hoped it wouldn't be too much of an issue, with how close the office actually was, but I worried a little. Meanwhile, The Cheat was giving me a strange look.

"What? What did I do this time?" I growled.  
How dare he look at me with his beady little eyes? Punk.

A few minutes later, the locker room door opened. There stood Coach Z with an empty bottle of Listerine. I never thought mouthwash had enough alcohol in it to get wasted with, but this man found a way. At least his breath isn't half bad.

"Oh! Hey...er, how lorng ya boys been standing der?" Coach Z asked, obviously not expecting us to be here.

"Hey Coach, long time to see! We just came here to drop off our forms. But it's kinda cold out here and it's a long walk from our house…"

"Say no more! Come in, come in!" Coach Z piped up. He pulled The Cheat and I inside. Luckily, the locker room was nice and toasty.

"I was gornna go down to my buddy Bubs to buy some more er,, morth worsh—but that can wait. Let's chart—I mean chat." Coach Z slurred as he pulled a seat for us.

Already, this was going a lot more smoothly. Coach Z appeared friendly and cooperative. Maybe a little too friendly in some cases, but overall harmless. I saw Homestar hovering over us. I wanted to ask what he did to catch Coach Z's attention, but I wouldn't know how to ask that without Coach Z wondering who I was talking to.

"Hey Coach, can I ask you a personal question?"  
I asked Coach Z, trying to keep my eyes on him and not on Homestar.

"Yerp?" Coach Z's eyes widened

I then faced Coach Z's desk. It was messy. Papers spread all over the surface with questionable stains on each of them. I soon detected the frame picture of Homestar and Coach Z I found before, only this time the glass was noticably cracked. No, shattered. I picked it up with both hands.

"Who is this?" I pointed at the picture of Homestar, who somehow looked whiter before he died.

Coach Z didn't respond to my question, but he got lost at staring at the photograph. I was starting to get creeped out by the excessive staring, so I slowly put the photograph down.

"I...that was my best guy. Homestar Runner. He was a young arthleet with a big heart. He didn't have murch family besides a bruther so I'd figured I fill in the best I can…"

The Cheat wrote down some notes as Coach Z blabbered on. Homestar watched us from above. It felt wrong to talk about a dead guy when he was in the room.

"Of course, I had to keep a professional relatootship with him, but he slowly because more of a friend than another athlete. I miss him so much...if I knew I warsnt going to see him again, I would have really made that last moment count." He then took the photo away from me, continuing to stare at it.

"I need to get a new frame. It just shattered and—and I…" Coach Z rubbed his face, trying to keep himself together.

It was uncomfortable watching this old man mourn over what could very well be a son to him. He was hanging on to every last bit of composure he had! There's no way this guy would be the murderer! He wouldn't have any motivation to hurt Homestar.

But...what if this is what he wants me to think? This could just be an elaborate act to get me off his back. I had to test it further.

"I have something to show you." I dug through the inner pockets of my coat and took out Homestar's hat.

Coach Z looked back up at me. His breath hitched upon seeing the hat. Then came the waterworks. Before I knew it, the man had collapsed on the floor in front of me. He banged the floor with his fists as he absolutely lost it! I mean, this guy was an emotional tornado.

Coach Z swiped the hat out of my hands and held it close to his face. His tears soaked through the old hat's fabric The pathetic old man spoke in what only sounded like gibberish to me. Ok...I think I had enough of this crap.

"Uh, The Cheat? I think we caused enough damage to this emotionally scarred man. We need to get out of here." I whispered to The Cheat, who was also watching in horror.

The minute we both got out from our seats, we heard a loud shatter from the back of the locker room. We all stopped and looked at each other.

"What the crap was that?"

"I dont know! The same dang thang happened not too lorng ago."

I helped the old fart off the ground (as much as I really didn't want to touch him) and lead him towards the source of the sound.

There stood a broken mirror. The tiny glass pieces were scattered all over the floor, making it a treacherous area for those who do not wear shoes.

"I think we've might of disturbed a force of sorm kind. Sormthing doesn't feel right…" Coach Z hiccuped.

There, the ghost of Homestar ominously floated over the mess. He was facing away from us. Although I knew Coach Z couldn't see him, I had a feeling Coach Z could somehow feel his presence.

"...Thank you for the chat, Coach. We'll just...leave you alone for a little while. Take care." I said before taking the hat back and leaving with The Cheat.

"Strong Bad wait—" Coach Z called out for us.

Homestar, with his soul currently being binded to the hat, had no choice but to follow us home.

"What the crap did you do back there, Homestar?" I asked with a raised voice.

"I-I don't know. I think I got upset. But...I'm ok now." Homestar said in a totally not ok tone.

"Upset? Have you done anything like that before??'

"...No."

"And that doesn't alarm you in the slightest?"

"Shut up!" He suddenly yelled "Stop talking! Please! I don't want to think about it anymore. Can we please go home now?"

I froze. In the short time I've known Homestar, it wasn't like him to snap like that. He had been acting strange all day. I'll have to look into this situation later, but for now I decided that the best choice was to head home and to not talk about what happened for the rest of the day.

Now looking back on things, I could have easily just left Homestar home. He never really had any insight to give on the situation, and I was getting the vibe that he didn't want to either. I suppose it was the whole—yknow—being dead thing that really turned him sour towards the end. And that's just putting it nicely! He was completely oblivious to the fact that he was dead until I came in. I feel somewhat responsible for that, but also not really.

The one take away from this whole descent into madness is that Homestar may have a lot of untapped potential. I mean, if he can break glass with his weird ghost powers, imagine all of the other cool things he could do! I still want to convince him to try and possess people demonically. Strong Sad would probably be a good guinea pig for that experiment.

I would like to put the investigation on pause, at least for now. There's still a lot of conflicting information and evidence that is going to take a while to decipher. I believe the best course of action is for us to take a brief break and chillax before going down that rabbit hole again. With that said, I'm pretty proud of the progress we made already, even if he still haven't reached a decent conclusion yet.

But if you guys have ANY freaking idea on what to do next, PLEASE reach out to me. I'm grasping for freaking straws here. Straws that may or may not even exist.

Even if you don't know anything, I would still appreciate some questions or ideas—or anything really. Just something to keep me going.

I'll get back to you guys later. Strong Bad OUT.

>blog.exe  
>stop program

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I was having an off day. Anyway, I hope you guys have a happy New Year! Let's make 2020 a good one.
> 
> Oh, did I mention you can "email" Strong Bad in the comments section? I don't think any fic has done anything like this before, so I want to give it a shot.
> 
> Your "email" will be displayed on the next chapter with a Strong Bad styled response.


	10. 1—Closure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our first email submitted by Witch's+brew! Thank you so much! Hope you like the response.

We got our first email! Makes me want to scream-mail! Whether you are a He-mail or a She-mail, it's time for a Strong Bad Email!

You like that? Been thinking about doing a little ditty before each email. I'm still working on it.

>sbemail.exe

Dear Strong Bad,

If you're finding yourself at a dead end with your current suspects, maybe learning more about the town and the other people in it could help you see the case at a different angle. You might also want to look into why you're the only non-The Cheat that seems to be able to see Homestar, it could be possible that you have some abilities as a psychic medium. Have you ever had any other experiences in your past that couldn't be explained through normal means?

Sincerely,

Joy Whatserface

P.S. How do you type with boxing gloves on?  
_____________________________________

Let me say that reading that entire thing did NOT bring me any joy at all, Whatserface. You are really throwing a lot at me here! Let me take these on one at a time.

I will admit, Joe Whatzer, I think you might be on to something with that first point. Perhaps talking to the other freaks in this town will give me more of a base to work with. For example, did you know this place has a freaking CASTLE? What town have you been to that has an entire castle in the middle of nowhere? Europeans aren't allowed to answer this question.

There's also this really cool guy I've seen walking around. I've been admiring him from afar, with his mustard stained goatee and bag full of melted candy bars. He seems like a very trustworthy dude.

As for the second part of your novel of an email, there actually has been some strange things from my life. I don't usually think about them much, but it may be worth at least considering.

For one, I was about 10 years old when I discovered that I could pop off bottle caps with my mind! That probably isn't related to me having ghost power...it's still pretty rad. I haven't been able to use that ability on anything else from all the times I've tried, so it's more of a party trick than anything.

I never really LIVED in a haunted area before, so I wouldn't know if I had ghost-specific experiences in the past. But with Strong Sad's apparent habit of (pathetically) ghost-checking every place we live in, I guess I have no choice but to ask him about it.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I stopped typing. I got out of my seat with a satisfying scoot sound made by the chair legs grinding against the floor.

Homestar was playing with a bouncy ball he found under the bed earlier before he suddenly looked up at me. "Where are you going?"

"Nowhere! I need to talk to Strong Sad real quick."

"Oh cool. Can I come with?"

"I mean...sure? Just don't break any mirrors or anything like that."

Homestar sighed sadly. "Ok. I'm...still sorry about that by the wa—"

"It's fine, shut up." I interrupted him.

We left the room and began to walk around the house, hoping to catch him in his room. Where else could he be? He doesn't have any friends. I opened his door, not bothering to even knock this time.

"Hey, Strong Sad. I got a question or two for you."

"Is it something ghost related, because I'm not interested." Strong Sad mouthed back, buried in his book. He was laying down on his bed, which would make it significantly easier to push him off and roll him down the stairs if I really wanted to.

"Hey Strwong Sad." Homestar spoke in another pointless attempt. Oddly enough, Strong Sad looked up for a brief moment, but then went back to his book as if nothing was said.

I growled, marching over to his bed.  
"Strong Sad, this is serious! I know you still think I'm joking around, but I have MORE than enough evidence to prove myself at this point!"

Strong Sad lazily looked up at me. He didn't seem very phased by my serious tone. Strong Sad then shrugged his shoulders.  
"Good for you."

What on Earth has gotten into this guy?

"You might as well get that question over with. I have to go see a friend in 30 minutes." Strong Sad gave me a glare.

"What? Wait, you have friends? Since when?"

"Our neighbor from across the street came by the other day with a plate of organic gingersnaps."

I paused to think. Who could have possibly came over while I was gone to give Strong Sad something that barely qualifies as food…?

I gasped. "Marzipan!"

"You know her?"

"Do I? She's one of the murder suspects! She can't be trusted. I think you should postpone your plans until I know for sure that she's safe!"

Strong Sad blinked slowly.  
"I hardly know what you're talking about anymore."

To be fair, Strong Sad dying wouldn't be too much of a loss. Maybe he could get information out of her that I couldn't before. This was a blessing in disguise!

"Nevermind, it's probably fine. But before you go—"

"I still have 28 minutes."

"... before you GO, can I ask you a theoretical question that may or may not have to do with ghosts?"

"Strong Bad, just tell me already! You've been dragging this on forever." Strong Sad sassed. Clearly he forgot who he was talking to.

"Have we ever had any paranormal activity before? Like, anything to do with me specifically? I want to know if I have ghost seeing powers."

"You mean Mediumship?"

"Answer the question!!"

"Well…" Strong Sad closed the book roughly and placed it down on his bedside. "I remember you used to go into my bedroom crying."

I stared at him in confusion. "What?"

"Mhm. You would pick me up from bed and take me into Strong Mad's room for "safety" or something like that. Mom said you just had nightmares you were convinced were real."

"What the heck would mom know, huh??" I blurted out. I covered my mouth with my hand.

I felt as if a pile of bricks fell on me. It's been a while since I felt genuinely guilty about saying something. I don't want anybody making fun of me for saying this, but I actually loved my mom. A lot. She was really funny and smart. She basically let us do whatever cool stuff we wanted to and even participated in our antics! The problem was that she slowly became more and more absent from our lives.

Mom eventually decided that she needed to go "find herself" and ended up going to Las Vegas to marry some rich guy. Meanwhile, we were left with our stepfather. Or...ex stepfather? Not entirely sure how that worked.

Some days I really want to hate her, but I can't. I can easily hate everyone else, but not her. Never her.

I looked in the corner of my eye to see Homestar staring back at me. You could cut the tension in this room with a chainsaw from how thick it was. I quickly went to change things around:

"I-Im just saying, since she wasn't around a lot and all…" Crap, I was making it worse. "You know what? Forget about everything. I don't want you telling Marzipan about it either!"

"Because you think she's a murderer?" Strong Sad asked in a raised voice.

"Forget about it! Goodbye!" I then shouted before leaving Strong Sad's bedroom marching.

I turned around, expecting to see Homestar following me out, yet he wasn't. It seemed like he was staying behind with Strong Sad for some reason? I didn't have enough time to find out why—not that I cared or anything. Because why would I? Why would I care about anything when I could simply not? The world would be a better place if we just stopped caring in general.

___________________________________  
So...yeah. Unfortunately I didn't find anything worth noting. I'll definitely start looking around the town for more information soon. I could ask Bubs for more papers if he has any that could be relevant.

Until next time, though, I'll be keeping an eye on that Marzipan. She probably isn't the murderer, but I still don't trust her. Especially with my baby brother of all people. They might start a creepy vegan cult together if I'm not careful.

(Oh, and FYI; the boxing gloves thing is none of your beeswax. Don't ask me about it ever again. This is your only warning.)

>Send


	11. 2—It Deepens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Strong Bad investigates some of the other residents of Free Country. How much does he find out? What will come of this adventure?

[Strong Bad note: I just remembered. I forgot to date the last entry. Well, it's the 6th now...I think?]

Man. I gotta get back to work.

While Homestar is probably distracted by trying to get my brother to notice him, I went to get my cool detective clothes on. I should probably wash this thing at some point, I didn't notice the musky smell until now. I reached over to grab a big bottle of cologne and sprayed every inch of my body with the stuff. Yeah, that'll do.

I quickly gathered up my supplies: The Cheat's notebook, tape recorder, fake police badge I bought online, and my pipe.

I decided to leave Homestar alone. He didn't seem to enjoy his time out last time, so to prevent any unintentional/terrifying property damage, he's staying back home. For his own good. The Cheat is still coming with, though. I couldn't imagine doing anything without him. He definitely makes MY job a lot easier.

The Cheat and I set out to harass the random citizens of Free Country, USA. I can harass people now because I am a cop, and that automatically makes it ok.

Our first target—I mean suspect—was a large balloon man. I didn't trust his lack of a mouth. I also didn't trust all of the...bubbly noises he was making. Very suspicious indeed. He looked down at us with a 'im better than you' facial expression.

"Alright, balloon man. I'm assuming you live here, correct?" I snarled, shifting into Bad Cop mode.

The balloon man bubbled at me.  
[Translation: "My name is Pom Pom, not balloon man. Get it right you sack of-" ]

"Hey hey! Let's calm down, ma'am. I ain't gonna hurt you. As long as you cooperate with us." I then said, temporarily taking the role of Good Cop.

It took some time (and sharp objects) to convince our suspect to spit out the goods. Apparently, Pom Pom was pretty close friends with Homestar. Best friends, in fact. Two peas in a pod. From what I gathered, they liked each other because they were both relatively popular, which boosted their collective popularity ten fold!

"I see. And, if I may ask, where were you on the 23rd?" I raised my eyebrow at him. Yes, I have eyebrows. Stop asking.

Pom Pom put it like so:

[Pom Pom POV—Translated]  
Ah yes. I remember that day. I was planning on hosting a Decemberween party at my place. I was about to go buy some party supplies when I bumped into Homestar.

"Oh hey Pom Pom! Nice to see ya!" Homestar grinned at me. He was always energetic, but something about this time of year made him nuts! 

He hyped up Decemberween for months, getting worse and worse the closer it was to December. Homestar was the kind of guy who put his heart into everything he did. Nothing was left to the last minute. If he couldn't somehow turn it into a sport, it just wasn't worth doing. But something about his obsession with Decemberween specifically felt...well, it felt forced. I can't exactly say why or how, but it did.

We both talked briefly. He did mention the "big game" that was supposed to be happening on Decemberween Eve.

"You're coming, right Pom Pom? I mean, it wouldn't be the same without you there!" Homestar smiled up at me, just hoping that I would say yes.

Only, I couldn't exactly promise something like that to him. If I got everything for my party by the time the game started, I could possibly make it. However, I had no idea how long it could take me. Homestar was a really good kid, so it wouldn't be fair to crush his spirits.

"Yeah, maybe." I simply bubbled.

"Ah gweat! I've been training all season for this game! You just KNOW I'm gonna bring home the gold! Your support will only make me stwonger! Maybe even the stwongest man in the world!"  
Homestar then said cheesly. Uck.

We both said our goodbyes and went off to do our own things. That was the last time I saw him.

[End of POV shift]

"Oh...ouch." I stated, unsure of how else to reply.

I suppose that means Pom Pom is off the hook for now. Based on that solid story, he seemed like the last person to kill Homestar. Or...do anything with him, really. Stuck up rich kids man...they suck.

"Alright, before I let you go, do you possibly have any leads?" I then asked.

Pom Pom immediately bubbled back, informing me about a so-called "king of town". I couldn't tell if he was joking or not.

"Oh, is that what that castle is about? Are you sure you guys don't have a mayor, or a bishop, or something that actually makes sense for a place like this?"

Pom Pom shook his head.

"Huh. Well thanks anyway. I'll catch you later, man." I waved goodbye before walking off.

That guy looked pretty innocent to me. Kinda jerky, sure, but I wouldn't mind hanging out with him after all of this is over. A guy with that much money must get all of the babes up on 'em! I need a slice of that gold-flaked silver platter pie. I'm sure Homestar wouldn't mind, right? Ugh, why do I care what he thinks? I don't. I don't. At all. I really don't.

The Cheat and I headed towards the large castle in the middle of town. I still find it strange that a monarchy of any kind is allowed to exist in the Democratic country of America. I started to wonder how much power this dude had, if he was even real. 

Once The Cheat and I got close to the large, wooden door, we both knocked on it as hard as we could. The knocking against the old wood echoed throughout the area. We took a step back. The door slowly crept open with a painful squeak. An ancient looking bearded man stood in the doorframe. He stood there in complete silence for a moment before addressing the people 4 feet in front of him.

"Hello, whippersnappers! What are you kiddos doing out of school so early?" The KOT asked while squinting his eyes.

"Kids? Sir, we are grown adults. We also happen to be- HAHAHA - cops!" I smirked, pulling out my police badge. It was sort of risky to pull a fake police badge in front of someone like him, but it's not like he could tell! He can barely see!

The KOT looked at the police badge briefly. He then hummed to himself.  
"Seems legit to me. Come in, officers."

Success! We followed KOT into his gigantic castle. It somehow looked even bigger from the inside! This dude must also be loaded if he could afford such a place. When you're king, I suppose anything is possible.

"So, what department are you boys from? Food and Health Safety? Highway Patrol? Fish and Game Wardens?" KOT asked.

I just looked at The Cheat. We both shrugged our shoulders.  
"All. All of the departments." I then responded.

I could hear the KOT gulp. My keen detective senses were tingling up a storm! This outta be good.  
"Er, what are you here for anyway?"

"Someone from the...Murder department told us about a little incident that occurred last month. Does the 23rd ring any bells?"

The KOT suddenly let out a sigh of relief before clearing his throat.  
"Oh, that? Yes, there was a minor mishap that happened that night."

"MINOR? Sir, somebody freaking DIED!" I shouted, feeling myself losing my cool for some reason. I quickly calmed myself down. The Cheat gave me a concerned look.

"Sorry...sorry. I've had a long...week? Has it been a week? I don't remember." I sighed tiredly.

The KOT slowly nodded in understanding. He lead the both of us to a large kitchen table. He must have assumed we were hungry or something, not that I am against free food or anything.

"I recall having the crime scene investigated for a while, but we couldn't find any solid evidence that it was a murder. For all we knew, those wounds on the lad could've been self-inflicted. That Homestar fellow was dealing with a lot of stress at that time." The KOT explained.

I stayed silent.  
That didn't sound right to me. Self-inflicted? Meaning he hurt himself...on purpose? No. That wasn't Homestar. He didn't seem like the type to…

My thoughts were interrupted by the KOT placing a bowl of Mystery Stew in front of our faces. It was still steaming. I took a spoon and poked around to see if I recognized anything in it as real food. I was almost too afraid to take a bite. If you saw it, you wouldn't blame me. I watched The Cheat take one sip of it before getting green in the face. Yeah, definitely not doing that. I'm convinced this man is trying to poison us right now.

"His older brother didn't leave the house for a few days after the incident. At least, that is what I heard. I also heard he recently sold the house to a couple of hippies." KOT continued.

"What? WHO are ya calling—" The Cheat stopped my verbal rampage by placing his paw on my mouth. Good call.

I pulled the paw away and tried again.  
"What did the local forces find out, if anything? Were they any fingerprints? Footprints? Butt prints? Anything?"

The KOT just looked at me. He then laughed.  
"Oh, we don't have that kind of budget! Those kinds of tests are expensive to perform!"

I felt my eye twitch.  
"What even IS your police force anyway?"

"5 guys with burgers and fries, of course! The best boys in the industry!" KOT said, not joking in the slightest.

I'm going. To. Kill. This man. I'm serious! I think I'm going to be the next to freaking snap and take a life! But since the after life is a real thing now, maybe I shouldn't. I don't want to deal with the soul of an incompetent political leader haunting me for the rest of my life.

"You are literally not helping. At all. Do you at least still have the little-to-no evidence found in your possession? I remember hearing about a gardening tool or something." I huffed, trying to keep it together.

"Why yes, officer! Follow me!" The KOT grinned as he led us to a different room. I took the time to dump his horrible stew behind his sofa, just to get rid of it.

The room was tight and poorly lit. The cold, concrete walls were close enough to feel the chill off of it. The floor was moist and also cold. The only source of light in the room were a few cheap lightbulbs suspended over display cases.

Each display case held items from the original crime scene: A piece of Homestar's shirt, hedge shears, and a receipt from Bubs's. Strange, I don't remember him giving out receipts.

The KOT opened them all up for us.  
"Please, by all means, take them. You'll be doing me a favor."

I tilted my head at that response, but decided to not think about it too much. The sooner we can leave, the better. I grabbed the evidence and left as quickly as I could.

Now that The Cheat and I have something to work off of, we can finally get to the bottom of this! All we had to do now was figure out how to collect fingerprints from objects. The only issue is, I have no idea how many people had their grubby fingers on these before I did. At least I have the decency to wear gloves! If the fingerprints are even on them still, they could be from multiple people. I cleared my mind of that worry. I'm sure it'll be fine, right?

We started walking back home. We filled up the dead silence in the air with some small talk. Nothing too important. It went on like this for a while until—

A scream.  
Wait. No.  
It was Strong Sad's scream.  
I knew it anywhere. It's a cry for help I hear all the time.  
And…  
It was coming from Marzipan's house.


	12. 3—The Close Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Strong Bad races against time itself to save his baby brother. Does he succeed? And what is the DEAL with Marzipan?

Something in my brain switched.  
Without thinking, I dropped everything I had in my arms. I bolted towards the direction of Marzipan's house, my heart pumping like it was about to burst out of my chest.

The Cheat called after me. I ignored him. My legs just kept on running forward.

Was it because I thought I was finally going to have my suspicions confirmed? That Marzipan was a cold blooded murderer? Or was it something else that got me started? Either way, I kept going.

I suddenly stopped in front of Marzipan's house.

Strong Sad was hanging on to the roof gutter for dear life. He was struggling to get himself back onto the top of the icy roof. Strong Sad's weight was only making it harder.

"Strong Sad! What the heck are you doing up there, man?!" I yelled as loudly as I could.

"I-I was just helping Marzipan install a roof-top garden when I slipped on the ice and—Oh!"  
Strong Sad yelped as he felt his fingers slipping off.

I wanted to question why he was even humoring the woman who was crazy enough to garden in the middle of January, but I didn't have the time!

"Strong Sad! Remain calm! J-just hang on a second! There's probably like a mattress around here or some—"  
I then froze.

The metallic snap of the gutter caught my attention. Before I knew it, Strong Sad plummeted to the cold, hard ground. I couldn't move. I simply watched him. I couldn't tear my stare away from his motionless body. My hands began to shake. I couldn't hear anything else around me except for the rapid beating of my heart slowing down. My breath felt shallow.

When The Cheat finally caught up to us, it had already happened. I watched as he shuffled over to Strong Sad's body. He grabbed a stick and poked it multiple times.

I suddenly heard a voice that snapped me out of my trace.  
"Is everything ok? What happened?"

Marzipan.  
She was staring down at me with her innocent frown. Oh, precious Marzi! She can do no wrong, CAN she??

"What do you THINK happened?? You killed my brother!" I shouted as I shook my fist furiously at her. I felt something warm roll down my cheek. 

I sniffled. I then slowly and gently placed my gloved hand on Strong Sad's head. It was kinda funny how he felt just as soft as he did when he was a little baby man. Strong Sad...

I then heard a groan. Then the shuffling of snow. I quickly looked back down at Strong Sad. He was awake….no, he was ALIVE! His head slowly lifted up from the snow. It left a pink imprint on the surface.

I hurried my face in Strong Sad's neck.  
"OH MY GOD, YOU'RE ALIVE!"

"Of course I'm alive, it wasn't that long of a fall...ow.." Strong Sad whined as I suddenly hugged him.

Actually, it wasn't a hug. It was a protective...arm shield. Yknow, in case Marzipan wanted to finish the job. Speaking of Marzipan, she made it back down really fast. Suspiciously fast.

"Oh my! His face is pretty bruised up...and his arm…" Marzipan gasped.

I pulled away to look at my brother. His face was a LOT more than 'pretty bruised up'. He was bleeding from his mouth. Not a whole lot of blood, but still enough to look pretty gnarly. Strong Sad also had a black eye on the left side of his face. I don't think I've ever seen him this bad before, and that is ME saying that! As for his arm…

"Woah, is it supposed to bend that way?" I cringed.

"No, it isn't! Can one of you please escort me to a hospital?" Strong Sad whined again.

At this point, whatever had been leaking out of my eyes were now blurring my vision. I kept my arms around my baby brother in case Marzipan tried anything. I couldn't let go. No, seriously. I think they're stuck like this.

"Strong Bad? Why are you crying so much?" Strong Sad asked.

"I'm not crying! You're the one crying!"

"I have a busted up face and a broken arm. I SHOULD be crying right now, but I'm not."

"...You aren't allowed to go anywhere ever again."  
I huffed.

So, Marzipan had to call the ambulance to take Strong Sad away. I still don't trust her in the slightest, but I had to thank her for paying for the ride. I debated if I should have rode in the ambulance with Strong Sad. He did almost die on me, after all. I decided to send The Cheat with him instead. I trusted The Cheat more than anybody here.

Once the ambulance left, it was just Marzipan and I. We both stood outside, staring at the imprint Strong Sad left in the snow. There was a tiny bit of blood on the surface, but it wasn't enough to raise any concern. I breathed out. It felt as if I had been holding my breath the entire time.

Marzipan suddenly turned to me. Without saying a word, she beckoned me into her house. Now, as much as I really didn't want to go in there alone, it was getting kinda chilly out here. I reluctantly walked inside. Her house was very, very warm. I sighed happily as I almost completely lowered my guard.

Marzipan sat me down on her sofa and started wrapping me in some sort of blanket cocoon? I'm not sure why. It did feel nice. But wait, what if it was her way of trapping me? I mean, I did witness her failed attempt at murder! Since I'm alone, she HAS to be here to finish me off! There's no other way to look at this situation. No way at all.

When Marzipan left the living room, I kept my eye on her. She soon disappeared into the kitchen. Perhaps that's where she keeps all of her weapons. I had to make an escape plan, and fast!  
…  
After I took a minute or two to warm up indoors. This trench coat I am wearing can only sustain me for brief periods of time, after all.

To my surprise, Marzipan came back with two mugs of what seemed to be hot cocoa. I looked at her confused.

"I still don't know what made you so invested in this case, but...I suppose I do have some explaining to do." Marzipan began, handing me one of the mugs.

I stared down at the mug of cocoa. It was topped with whipped cream and marshmallows. I cautiously took a small sip of it. To my surprise, it was awesome! Definitely didn't taste poisoned.  
Marzipan sat down right next to me with the other mug in her invisible hands.

"...It's been hard for all of us. The loss of a loved one can make such a big impact over the course of a very long time." She continued.

I glanced at her from the corner of my eye in case she were to make any sudden moves.

"It felt like it was just yesterday that I was digging up holes and planting flowers down near the field. The dirt staining my dress and the chill nibbling my knees. I knew it was too cold to be planting flowers that bloom in the summer, but I was being paid to do it. It was my boyfriend's big day, and everything was supposed to be ok."

I paused.

"I have... been led to believe you two had a, uhm, conflict before the incident." I mumbled.

"Oh. Yes, in fact, we did. I was complaining about how cold it was to be doing that kind of labor outside. HE was more concerned about how I was supposedly being whiney. After all, it was all about him and not me."

I glared at her, but kept my mouth shut for now.

"...I think he was just stressing out about the game. He normally wasn't the type to snap at people like that."

"He snapped at you?"

"Why yes. We got into a whole argument about a bunch of silly things. Things that no longer matter. How can you be mad at someone who is dead?"

"..."

"You can't. Sometimes, you really want to be mad at somebody. You want to feel the anger radiating off of your skin. You want it to feel earned. But, you can't. You can't because you love them so much."

"Do you, though?"

"Excuse me?"

"Marzipan." I started "If it comes to the point where you can't count the amount of times you've cut ties with a particular person on both of your hands, is it actually love?"

She scoffed at me. "And how would you know?"

I had to tell her, didn't I?  
"You broke up with him on a weekly basis. You found all of the reasons you could possibly have to justify breaking it off. And then what happens? He comes back, because he wants to make it up to you. He might not be smart enough to fully understand what made you mad in the first place, but he wants to make it up anyway. Because he loved you."

Marzipan stared at me. With the look on her face, I could tell she wasn't picking up what I was putting down.

"And did you get back with him because you forgave him? Because you LOVED him, as you claim to do so? Or did you do it because you felt like you had no other choice?"

"I don't think we're close enough to talk about stuff like that—"

"I am a cop!"

"You are NOT a cop!"

"...Ok, maybe I'm not a cop. But I have watched enough romance dramas to know that what you guys had going on was not good for either of you. Like, seriously, what the hell is wrong with you people?"

"I still don't understand what your point is, Strong Bad."

"You know what? I don't either! Maybe I don't have a point. Maybe YOU don't have a point! Maybe there isn't a single point to be found in this stupid investigation! But do you want to know WHAT?"  
I growled, moving closer to her.

Marzipan stared at me with wide eyes.

"My baby brother almost died. All because of YOU! I don't care if it was actually an accident or if it was some part of your sadistic vegan cult ritual or WHATEVER! All I know is that you aren't to be trusted. You're a weirdo who plays around in muddy snow and seems to only care about herself. If it weren't for your stupid butt, my brother would still have a functional arm!"

We both fell silent.

"...You almost lost somebody too, didn't you?"

I stayed quiet once more.

Marzipan then sighed. "Sometimes, when somebody passes away, you start to relive all of the memories you had with them. All of them, even the bad ones. You wonder, if you still had the time, how you could have made up for everything. That way, they wouldn't leave the planet with any bad feelings towards you."

"He doesn't have any bad feelings towards you, Marzipan."

"...Pardon?"

"As stupid as he is, he still loves you. I don't think that man is capable of hating anybody."

Marzipan raised an eyebrow.  
"Did you...know him?"

"Not then, but in a weird way, I know him now."

Now I couldn't recall how long it has been since I've met Homestar. It couldn't have been THAT long, right? All of the days have been blurring together into a sloppy time puddle on the floor. But, it was starting to feel like I knew Homestar all of my life. Like he was a part of me.

...Was that too cheesy? I think that was too cheesy.

After that was said and done, I decided that it was finally time for me to head home. I've spent more than enough of my time here. Besides, I'm starting to think Homestar is missing me. He acts so unusual when I have to leave for a short amount of time. Actually, I think I've been away from home for nearly half the day now!

I ignored Marzipan's begging for an explanation. I simply ran out the front door and never looked back.

I kinda felt bad for her afterwards. She still weirded me out, but that still must of been a very tough position to be in. I really hope she gets over her strange coping rituals soon.

I'm just going to take a nap after this day. I don't know if I'll ever wake up again, if I'm quite honest. I'm...tired. My brain has officially stopped working. I am going to stop writing now. Bye bye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, SB is gonna spend some quality time with Homestar. Will it be wholesome? Will it be angsty? You get to decide.


	13. A Break (be thankful)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fluffy break from all of the drama that has been going on in the last couple of chapters. It's also a short chapter compared to the other fluff piece I'm gonna start tommorow, albeit in a stranger context

Ugh….  
Am I not allowed to have a single moment of rest?  
As soon as I made it into my room, I noticed the complete mess on the floor.

There were random objects tossed all over the place: papers scattered around, action figures misplaced, even some...liquids. Not sure what kind of liquids. I don't think I even wanted to know.

"Homestar!" I scolded

The stupid ghost, who had only just now floated into the room, looked down at me with a guilty expression. His eyes were lowered and his frown sinked to the bottom of his face. It hurt to look at.

"Oh, sorry Stwong Bad. I was just trying to pwactice my powers. You said you wanted me to, remember?" He then said with a low voice.

I sighed.  
"Whatever. I'll clean it up tomorrow. For now, I'm going to lay in bed and put myself into a coma."

I dragged my feet over to the bed and plopped on there. The minute I laid down, I saw Homestar float above me. He was staring at me intensely.

"...Can I help you?" I asked tiredly

"Arwent you gonna sleep?" He replied

"Well, I can't sleep when you're just staring at me like that! It's weird!"

"It hasn't stopped you before."

"...What did you just say to me?"

The ghost paused. He then floated closer to me. Attempting to lay his body against the bed without completely sinking through, Homestar looked at me face-to-face.

"Can I lay with you?"

I glared at him intensely. If I had the energy and ability to pummel him, I would.  
"Sure. Just stop talking." I grumbled.

"Soooo….how was your day today?" Homestar immediately spoke, obviously not knowing what 'stop talking' means.

"Awful."

Homestar was taken aback. He didn't believe me at all. Homestar sat up from the bed and looked back down at me.  
"Awful? What? Ah come on, it couldn't be THAT bad! Name the worst thing that happened."

"My brother almost died." I grabbed a pillow and threw it over my head in an attempt to block Homestar out.

"...Oh. I guess that is pretty bad." Homestar spoke quieter before laying back down next to me.

"Yeah...your girlfriend is freaking NUTS, dude. Don't know if she's nuts enough to intentionally kill somebody, but definitely nuts."

"Strong Bad!" Homestar sat up once again, this time with a noticeably more frightening tone.

"WHAT? She is!"

"No she's not! You don't know her the way I know her! She's just...she's just...going through a lot! That's all!"  
Each time Homestar raised his voice, I could feel the room shake ever so slightly. For a ghost, he sure does like to unintentionally scare the ever-living crap out of me!

I had to calm him down before he started breaking things again.

"Ok ok! I'm sorry! Geez…" I sighed

We both laid there in silence after a while. It was pretty awkward. As much as I really wanted to sleep, something was really bothering me about this situation. How could Homestar love such an insufferable wench? I just didn't get it. I also didn't want to bring it up in case it made him upset again.

I decided to take a risk. Clearing my throat, I turned to face the ghost that was laying next to me.

"What DO you like about her, anyway?"

Homestar took a moment to think.

"She used to say a lot of silly things. They made me laugh, but I don't think they were supposed to. I also liked listening to her sing...she always had a good voice." Homestar spoke sheepishly, turning away from me.

"Was she actually nice to you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Homestar."

He turned to look at me once more with an overly serious face.  
"Stwong Bad."

I don't know why, but that made me snort.

"Hehe, you made a little piggy noise!"  
Homestar laughed.

"Wh—piggy noise? No! Shut up."

"Oink oink! I'm Piggy Stwong Bad! Oink!"

I turned away with my arms crossed. My face wasn't hot from embarrassment. Not in the slightest. I soon felt something touch my side. No, wait. Something was tickling me. I burst out laughing as a floating pillow feather tickled my sides relentlessly.

"HOMESTA-A-A-AAaarrr! Th-thats cheating!"  
I struggled to speak as I wheezed.

"How is it cheating?" Homestar smirked

"BECAUSE I COULDN'T POSSIBLY FIGHT BAAAACK!" I continued to laugh like a mad man.

It went on like this for several, painful minutes. By the end of it all, I was completely out of breath. I panted heavily. I glanced up at Homestar, who was hovering only a few inches above my face. I assumed he finally got bored of torturing me.

"I like hearing you laugh, it's very nice…" Homestar giggled.

"Is it better than Marzipan's stupid laugh?" I thought out loud without meaning to.

That caused Homestar to pause again.

"...Yeah. It is. In fact, you laugh a lot more than she ever did." Homestar sighed softly.

I blinked. Wow, I don't know if all of that laughing rushed all of the blood to my head or what, but my face felt REALLY hot by then.

"Stwong Bad? Stwong bad…"

"Wh- huh?"  
Apparently Homestar was trying to get my attention for some time now. I turned back to him, slightly dazed and confused.

"You look very tired. I'm sorry for keeping you awake. I know you had a long day and stuff. It's just that...well, it gets boring when you're gone."

"You could always play with Strong Mad or something…" I yawned.

"But he can't hear me! I like talking to people! I like talking to you."

".... Alright. When I wake up from my nap, we can hang out and chat for a little bit. I promise."

Homestar glowed (literally) in excitement.  
"Rweally?? Oh you're the best!"

I chuckled tiredly before rolling over on my side. I get myself nice and snug under multiple blankets and soon start to drift to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I would love to hear any theories/suggestions from you guys!  
> You can also "Email" SB in the comments if you want, that was really fun last time.


	14. The Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Strong Bad wakes up in what seems to be a different timeline, or maybe even a different reality, where Homestar is still alive.
> 
> Things get weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the lack of updates! Online schooling has been draining my soul and energy, but I'm getting better!!
> 
> I have received two emails and will be using them soon! Stay tuned!

…  
…  
Hm…?

My eyes slowly opened to observe the world around me. I appeared to be in the living room, only it looked a lot cleaner. I was sitting on the couch. It also looked clean, almost brand new. How did I wake up all the way down here? That's when I looked to my side.

It was Homestar, only...alive? The first thing I noticed were his legs. The fact that, well, he HAD legs! They were long, and I mean LONG! Makes sense for an athlete known for running to have long legs. I was just so used to seeing him as a floating ghost thing that it was a shocking revelation.

"Stwong Bad?" I heard the alive Homestar Runner call for my attention.

I flinch up at him. 

"Ah man, thought I lost you for a second!" Homestar laughed.  
"You must of fallen asleep while we were watching the movie!"

"Movie…?" I muttered before tiredly turning to the TV that was in front of us.

It was already at the end credits scroll by that point. I did recognize a few of the actors that were listed. I looked further down to see the DVD for Deep Impact.

"Wh- Homestar! You better explain what's going on right now!" I growled, shaking my fist at him.

"You don't remember?" Homestar tilted his head.  
"We went inside after wrestling in the front yard, then we sat down to watch your favorite movie!"

"...First of all, Deep Impact is FAR from being my favorite movie. Second of all, that doesn't explain how you're…. you're…" I couldn't get the words to come out.

"What? Energized? That's because I eat my fwuits and veggies like a good boy!" The dork grinned at me. God. I hate his smile. His stupid, innocent smile.

I groaned.  
"Nevermind."

Clearly, this must be a dream. I mean he's DEAD! Dead as a doorknob! You can't get back from that! Unless my entire life was a dream and this was my reality. I'm...going with the former.

"Hey Stwong Bad? Do you maybe wanna go out to eat? Or something? Or we can just order a pizza. I donno." Homestar then asked, facing away from me.

Why did he look away from me? Was it my breath? I blew on my hand and sniffed it to make sure. Nope. He was just being a weirdo.

"Yeah uh, going out to eat sounds nice." I suddenly heard myself say, with my own mouth, willingly.  
What?

Homestar turned back to me with a somehow even dumber smile on his face. His eyes were wide with excitement and his living flesh face took on a slight shade of pink. I could feel my heart start to pump faster, maybe it's from the anxiety of the situation. Yeah, I'm going with that.

Before I was able to change my mind, I suddenly saw myself in some sort of restaurant. Ok, this HAD to be a dream! There isn't an explanation for this. How did I not remember our trip there? Homestar was sitting across from me in a booth table with a candle and a flower vase in between us. Admittedly, it was actually kind of nice. We talked about some stuff. I don't exactly remember what kind of stuff but...stuff! It was mostly me listening to Homestar ramble endlessly, but I didn't mind it.

I got lost in simply staring at him. It was still seeing him alive. I've grown far too used to ghosts to the point where a non-dead person is abnormal. The idea of being able to physically touch him also got me going. Wait, that sounded gross. I didn't mean it like that! I swear!

"You've been looking at me funny all day" said Homestar, casually kicking my foot.

"Oh, sorry man. There's just a lot on my mind right now." I huffed, pushing his foot away from mine.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"No…"

"Are you sure? I have been talking a lot."

"No! It's fine. You wouldn't understand."

"Stwong bad, I know I'm not the smartest person in the world, but you're still my friend."

I sighed.  
"...How about we get out of this place and talk outside? I don't want to be overheard."

Homestar nodded and quickly stood up from his seat. We left the restaurant almost as fast as we got there. I kept trying to convince myself that none of this was real, but what if it was?

After walking for a brief moment, we both sat down on a hill. The sun was beginning to set by that point.

"So, what's up?"

"Huh?"

"What did you wanna talk about?"

"Oh, right." I rubbed my neck. "How do I explain this? Uhm...are you...real?"

"What?"

"Are you real? Is any of this real? I swear this isn't supposed to be happening!"

"Stwong Bad...you're scaring me."  
Homestar stared at me with a long frown.

"Sorry." I exhaled.

We sat there in silence. An awkward event that happens far too much in my life. It wasn't until I felt Homestar pull me into a hug. Confused, I glanced up at him. He looked sad.

"I think I understand what you're trying to say. I feel that way too, sometimes."

I couldn't think of anything to respond with. I felt Homestar in my arms. I felt him. He had skin that I could touch. That was the biggest mind blower I've experienced in a while. I always felt cold with GhostStar around, but this Homestar felt warm. I laid my head against his chest and heard his mortal heart gently beating. Homestar's chest slowly rose and fell from him breathing, which felt peaceful. I was so caught up in this euphoria I was experiencing that I didn't think of the position we were in at the time, nor the implications behind it.

"You know what though? You're one of the closest friends I have. You make my life brighter, so if life "isn't real" or whatever, at least I know you are." Homestar smiled before resting his chin on my head.

"Y-yeah, same here…" I felt my chest begin to ache. It was painful. Like a stab to the chest, minus the blood or cool scarring.

"You know, we've only known each other for about 20-something years, but it sometimes feels like I've known you all my life!" Homestar laughed again, nudging his face against mine.

20 years? I've only known him for a few days…

"That is just a little more...then 19 years."

"I remember learning that in school!"

I snorted. Homestar chuckled before it went back to complete silence. Only this time, I didn't mind it.  
As the sun slowly disappeared behind the sparkling void of night, I looked up at Homestar one last time.

Homestar leaned his head down towards mine and, as if I didn't have control over my own actions, I started to lean towards him slowly. I didn't know what was about to happen, but my heart was screaming and I couldn't do anything else.

I closed my eyes.

…  
…  
…  
THUNK!

I opened my eyes again. I was on the bedroom floor. It looked as gross, messy, and decayed as it did before. I must have fallen out of bed somehow. God, my entire body is sore.

GhostStar floated over and looked down at me with a worried expression. "Woah, you ok Stwong bad??"

I groaned.

"No."


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Strong Bad finally gets to visit his brother at the hospital. A lot of strange things happen before and after the fact. Weird is the new normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I have no idea how much longer this fic will last, but I am having a BLAST writing it. Hopefully it won't go over 20 chapters or else I will literally go mad.

Captain's Log  
January 7th 200X, 3:02 am

I am not ok.  
I don't know what just happened to me, but it was not ok!

I can't even tell Homestar about it. What would he think? That I'm some sort of freak that has very questionable dreams about him? It makes me feel sick. I need to get my mind off of it.

Ignoring Homestar following me around, I sat down at my computer to answer yet another stupid email from you mouth breathers.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------  
>sbemail.exe

Dear Strungle Bungle, is Strong Sad gonna be ok? The injury wasn't too serious, was it?

From Anonymous  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------

Strungle Bungle, eh? That's a new one. If you are too much of a coward to give me a stupid name in person, then I have every right to give you a stupid name too.

How about… Farty Marty?  
Mmm, not exactly on my A game today.

But now it is time to stop beating around the bush. Actually, I always wondered how that phrase came to be. Like, did some guy procrastinate on something a few jillion years ago by literally beating a bush? I'll have to ask Strong Sad-

Oh. Right. Ok, ok!  
I suppose I should go visit him sometime today. The Cheat hasn't come back home yet, so I assume he's still there. Somebody is going to have to pick him up anyway. I'll go visit him in a few hours. It is literally 3 in the morning for me right now.

But tell ya what, Farty McFly, I will update you later on how Strong Sad is feeling when I see him. I mean, I'm sure he'll be ok. He's gone through a LOT worse from both Strong Mad and I. A small broken bone wouldn't phase him at all!

See you soon.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------

"Whatcha doing with your computer box, Stwong Bad?" I heard a familiar, obnoxious voice behind me.

I flinch out of my chair.  
"AH! Do not sneak up on me like that!"

Homestar flinched away from me. His ghost tail curled up as the expression of shame formed onto his face.  
"Sorry."

I sighed.  
"Whatever, it's fine. I was just answering an email. I'm gonna have to visit Strong Sad at the hospital in a few hours."

Homestar brightened up  
"Oooh, can I come with you? Please? Pleeeaaaase?"

"I could, but what would be the point?"

"I could talk to him!"

"...Yeah, sure you could." I rolled my eyes.

Getting out of my stool, I throw on a light jacket and head down to the kitchen for a snack. I tried my best to not wake Strong Mad (because that would be bad news for me) when I snuck down the stairs. The entire house was dead silent. Being up so late alone in your own house is so otherworldly, isn't it? Everything is dark and just a little too peaceful to be trusted. At this time of day, burglars would be trying to crawl through your air vents like oversized rats. Everything about 3am makes me feel uneasy for some reason.

Oh, and I am haunted by a ghost, I'm sure that adds a little something to it.

I grabbed a tub of leftover tuna casserole and a cold one from the fridge. Would this be considered breakfast? Dinner? Did it really matter? Either way, I shoved the leftovers in the microwave. Homestar was talking, and has apparently been talking the entire time. I was just busy not listening.

"...and then we laughed! Man, what a great night!"

"Sure was." I nodded, pretending to have been listening the entire time and totally knew what he was talking about.

"Man, Stwong Bad. You sure are a good listener!"

"I know."

"And a good talker!"

"I know, shut up." I placed the open bottle against my mouth.

I couldn't really look directly at Homestar for very long after that dream I had. It just felt so...wrong. What are you supposed to think after dreaming up something like that? I knew what I was thinking, but I really didn't want to think about it at all. I hated it! I hated everything about it! Not a single thing about that dream was positive, not in the slightest!

I ate my slightly heated casserole with bottled up rage.

I was awake for a few hours after that. Homestar and I just sorta hung out, talking about dumb stuff again. What was strange about it was that it had a similar pattern to the conversation we had in the dream. Not about the same topic at all, but familiar.  
Then when it finally got 7 o' clock, it was time to go. I exchange my light jacket for a proper coat and start to head outside-

"Wait!" Homestar called out, handing his hat to me.

"Wh-oh. Yeah. I forgot." I mumbled before tucking the hat into my coat.

I finally opened the door and walked out. It must have stormed last night, because the snow was a lot higher than I remember it being. I try my best to not sink into the thick blanket of snow under me and approach my-

…

Oh yeah. I don't own a car. I did rent that moving truck, but that has been gone for days now. Now I am really starting to regret not hopping on that ambulance yesterday.

"Crap." I shivered.

"Awh it's ok! We can just walk there! It can't be too far, can it?"

I shot Homestar a glare.  
"Easy for YOU to say! All you do is float around! You don't have to worry about your legs getting tired, freezing over, and snapping off!"

"Geez, somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed."

"I FELL out of bed at 3am! I haven't been happy since I've gotten here!"

"Huh? Oh that's not true!"

I ignored him. That's what they always say. Just ignore him, Strong Bad. It isn't worth the trouble. I marched forward, hearing the crunch of snow underneath my boots.

"Stwong bad?"

"I. Don't. Want. To. Hear it." I spoke through gritted teeth.

"No, Stwong Bad! Look!"

I did look up, and boy I wished I didn't. There was a car rolling towards us, albeit slowly from all of the snow it had to plow through. The car stopped only a few inches in front of us. A familiar blue Man stepped out from the driver's seat.

"Hey, Strong Bad! How's my favorite detective doing?"

"Bubs? What are you doing all the way out here? Aren't you supposed to be at your stand right now?" I scratched my head.

"Nah, that place don't open until an hour or so. I was just driving by when I saw some of these things in the middle of nowhere. I think they might be yours."

Without a second thought, Bub's dragged a garbage bag out from the passenger's seat of the car and hurled it towards me. I caught the bag and immediately opened it up.

"The EVIDENCE! I completely forgot about these things!" I gasped.

"Yeah, I thought ya did. Heard you had quite the scare yesterday."

I paused.  
"How's you know about that?"

Bubs shrugged  
"Word gets around."

I glanced over at Bubs's car again. For someone who worked in a shady brick building, his car was really nice. It was big and freshly cleaned. Very shiny, too. I bet it was warm inside as well.

"Hey Stwong Bad, maybe we should ask Bubs for a r-"

"Shut up. Hey uh, Bubs. Since you aren't busy, would you take us to the hospital real quick? I need to see my brother."

"As long as you pay for gas, I don't care."

"Fair enough, I guess."

I decided to take my evidence back into the house real quick for safe keeping. I then hopped into the front passenger seat of Bubs's car. Fun fact: it has seat warmers! Fancy. I grabbed Homestar's hat and held it close to my chest as we drove to the hospital.

"Ya think you're close to catching the culprit yet?" Bubs asked me in a cheerful tone.

"Not exactly. See, everybody is just as likely to commit a crime like this. I REALLY want it to be Marzipan, but even then I'm starting to doubt a little." I huffed, staring down at the raggedy old hat in my hands.

"You want it to be Marzipan?" I heard Homestar whisper to me.

Bubs hummed for a moment. That's when he stopped the car and looked at me right in the eye:

"Listen to me, kid. Do not let your guard down for anybody. That's how they get ya! That's how they keep doing what they're doing. If your gut is telling you they're the one, you gotta take it! It's like….it's like...man, what's that expression my friend likes to make all the time?"

"Its like a gord sports play, You can't just rush into the score zone." A voice from the back seat spoke, startling the 3 of us.

"Coach Z! What on Earth are you doing in the BACK SEAT OF MY CAR, on this time of day?" Bubs yelled, yanking his head towards the 5-o' clock shadowed man.

"Car? I thort this was my apartmart"

"Were you back there the entire time??" I butted in.

"Coach!!" Homestar smiled, still not fully getting the concept that nobody can see or hear him. It was nice to hear him getting excited though…

I shook my head.

"Nevermind. I don't care. Let's just keep driving and then drop him off somewhere later."

Bubs whistled.  
"Man, you really are in a hurry right now."

"Just DRIVE, man!"

The rest of the ride there was a bit awkward. I was now making small talk with two other people, one of which aren't even supposed to be here. Actually, I find it very suspicious that Bubs drove over to my house AND that Coach Z was with him, presumably without Bubs knowing. I don't trust like that. I held Homestar's hat tightly.

Soon, the horrible car ride was over. I jumped out of the car the second it parked. It was getting a little too campy in there for my taste.

Before I made a break for it, Bubs got out of the car as well.   
"Im gonna run some errands, how 'bout we meet back here in an hour or so?"

I nodded  
"Yeah man, sure."

"I think I'm gorrna head down to that there gas station across the strat." Coach Z blabbed, crawling out of the car as well.

"I don't care what you guys do, just don't do anything gross. PLEASE."

That's when I ran into the hospital. I had to get away from them. They gave me the creeps.  
It didn't take long for me to find Strong Sad's hospital room. There, The Cheat was fast asleep on Strong Sad's stomach.

Strong Sad himself looked half awake. When he spotted us, he quietly waved.

"Hey Stwong Sad!" Homestar greeted, floating over to Strong Sad's bedside with a goofy grin.  
I facepalmed.

"Hey buddy, you doing ok?" 

"As ok as I'll ever be." Strong Sad whined.

"Don't you sass me. I've had a long freaking week."

I look down at Strong Sad's arm, which has now been fitted into a perfectly sized cast. I also noticed somebody had signed it in cursive. Pink ink, and cursive. I squinted my eyes to read it.

"Hope you get better soon, love...Marzipan??"

"Mhm, She came by yesterday to apologise for her reckless behavior. I forgave her, of course. It was only an accident-"

"You shut your mouth RIGHT NOW, buster! Listen up and listen close! You are not allowed to see her, ever." I growled.

Strong Sad gave me an annoyed look. His eyebrow was arched and his face scrunched up in disgust.

"Strong Bad, I am a grown man. I don't need you to baby me anymore!" Strong Sad continued to whine.

"Baby you?? When have I ever babied you?"

Strong Sad just stared at me.

"I don't know why you get so angwy when Marzipan is mentioned. She might be rude sometimes, but she isn't a bad person." Homestar muttered to me.

"Not a bad person?? Dude!"

"He's right you know." Strong Sad suddenly said.

…

"What?" I turned back to him.

"Homestar. He's right." Strong Sad repeated.

I blinked.

"Oh Stwong Sad, I was telling him about that thing we were talking about the other day! Remember that?" Homestar giggled.

"Ah yes, that sure was a hoot." Strong Sad smiled weakly.

I was completely lost.  
"Can?? Can somebody explain what's going on here?"

Strong Sad hummed as he faced me again.  
"Oh, I guess I should tell you now. I knew Homestar was here the entire time."

I thought I was going to faint.  
"You...you can see ghosts?"

"Yes, you maroon. I trained for years to be able to connect with the spirits."

"You can TRAIN yourself to do that?"

"Or you could be born with it."

I want to scream. I want to scream so loudly, it would shake the entire building.

"So what was the point of making me go through all of that crap?? The recordings, the blogs, the video tape??"

"For science."

I huffed.  
"You're lucky you are already in a hospital bed, because I am about to extend your stay bucko!!"

I lunged forward, yet didn't feel myself move forward that much. Instead, I actually felt myself move BACKWARDS and pinned up against the nearest wall. I glanced over at the two, which neither of them were near me. I think I know what happened, though.

"Can you guys STOP fighting? You two are being torn apart…" Homestar sniffled. I noticed that he had a brighter glow to him than he did typically.  
"I hate seeing family fight, it's so sad."

"Thanks…" Strong Sad mumbled.

The slam against the wall that was caused by my buff body was loud enough to wake up The Cheat. And believe me, he did NOT look very happy about it. However, when he saw Homestar, he clung onto Strong Sad and didn't dare to move. This would be a very bizarre situation for a nurse to walk in on. 

"Homestar, can you drop me? I'm pretty sure you're crushing my back…" I gasped for air

"Not until you apologize."

"Homestar!"

"I don't hear the magic words~" Homestar sang

"Fine! I'm sorry! Now drop me!"  
Terrible choice of words.

I plummet to the hard hospital floor. Ouch. I'll definitely feel that in the morning.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Strong Bad wraps up the hospital visit, but not before discovering another piece of the puzzle.   
> (Also thank you for the email, citrus_bastard!)

I’m not in the mood to sing a stupid email song.

>email.exe  
Dear Strong Bad,  
Things sure sound like they've been strange for you. Even stranger yet, why is it Strong Sad never thought to tell you about the fact that he knew Homestar was there the whole time? If I didn't know any better I'd say he did it on purpose as a tiny means of revenge for all the times you've punked him before.  
Nevertheless, hearing about your journey regarding the town you live in and the case you've taken to solving has been greatly fascinating. I quickly became an even bigger fan of yours than I might have already been and look forward to every update with anticipation.  
Your sourest fan,  
Lemon.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Oh man, first ghosts, now talking produce. When will my life be normal again??

I don’t know why Strong Sad kept it from me. I mean, if it was truly for science, you think he would have been more willing to help me out instead of toying with me. Now that I think about it, sourpuss, you may have a point. He really did throw me for a loop.

But that begs the question: why now? Why is he only telling me now? Was it not funny to him anymore?

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
I got up from the cold, hard hospital floor. Slowly standing up, I face my brother and the ghost once more.

I cleared my throat.  
“Strong Sad, although I am VERY angry at you right now. Why?”

“Why….why what?”

“Why are you telling me now?? You could have kept it up for a lot longer, you know. If you REALLY wanted to screw with me for your act of revenge-”

Strong Sad shook his head slowly.

“Strong Bad, look at me. Look at where we are right now. Look at where screwing with you landed the both of us. I ignored the ghost and it drove you to madness. I fell off of a roof because you were convinced my friend was a killer. In hindsight, it wasn’t worth it.”

I glanced around the room. The pale white of the walls and the floor made the entire structure blend together. The light was so intense, the surroundings almost had a heavenly glow to it. Almost, as that would imply the room was pleasant in the slightest. Strong Sad made a really good point. If he was honest with me from the very beginning, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. What if this messing around went for even longer? Is it possible that I could have...lost him?

“D’aww!” Homestar spoke up, as I had already forgotten that he was there. “Now that you guys have made up, we can solve this case together!”

Strong Sad and I exchanged glances. I couldn’t tell if he was glaring at me, or if he was simply tired from the events that took place before.

“...You guys are good now, right?” Homestar gulped.

Strong Sad let out a hum.

“Perhaps I have some insight,” Strong Sad then mumbled with a slight smile.

“Oh? And what would that be? And this better not be another sick joke!”

“It's not, I promise.” Strong Sad moved his unbroken arm to place a hand on his chest, as if trying to do a one hand swear. “This has gotten far too serious to be taken lightly any longer.” 

I sat down on a nearby chair, taking out a notebook to write down any details that could be groundbreaking for this case. Strong Sad sat up slightly in his bed. Usually I would dread listening to one of Strong Sad’s intellectual ramblings, but this time I could barely sit still with excitement. What do you know, little bro? Spill it, the suspense was killing me!

Strong Sad turned to Homestar. “Do you remember the last thing you said to Marzipan?”

Homestar faced Strong Sad but didn’t answer, eyes wide. Homestar was like a statue, drifting off into space with his dead eyes leading nowhere. Oh crap, this again?

“Homesta-”  
Strong Sad was quick to shush me.

We all stayed silent for a few more minutes. Were we waiting for something to happen? Why were we just as blank as Homestar was? It wasn’t until I saw Homestar’s mouth open slightly that I thought he finally snapped out of it. But what came out of it was something I wasn’t prepared to hear.

“...Marzipan, I’m busy. I said I’m BUSY, Marzipan!.... I-Im sorry. Marzipan. I didn’t- Its not that-”

I stared in awe. Homestar was really having a conversation with himself? No. He was having a conversation with Marzipan. But the Marzipan from the past. I glanced over at Strong Sad, who didn’t seem as shocked or confused as I was. He’s done this before, hasn’t he?

“...You know what? Fine! Why is everybody so freaking crummy today? Jeez.…I’m going to talk to Coach. I need to...sort something out….I thought you said you didn’t wanna talk to me-...I’ll be back when I’m in a better mood. I love you.”

Once that one sided conversation ended, Homestar snapped back into reality. He still looked really out of it, but more in the sense that he had just woken up from a bad dream or something like that. He slowly floated lower, as if he wasn’t strong enough to carry his nonexistent weight. As if a ghost couldn’t possibly look even more dead than he did before.

“...Homestar?” I piped up.

“It’s not her,” Homestar then said regretfully.

Strong Sad and I exchanged glances once more. This time, we shared the same look of worry. Whatever happened between him and Marzipan must have been rough. It only made me wonder what happened before that made Homestar act so...so...not Homestar. I wrote down a few key words here and there. Not enough for a breakthrough just yet, but still good stuff.

"Anything else you can, uh, tell us buddy?" I turned back to Homestar in a slightly cheery tone. I hoped I could trick him into not being super down anymore.

"No...I rather not," He replied, with no signs of a change in mood. Drat.

Strong Sad's eyes drifted towards the clock on the wall, which was as painfully white as everything else in the room was.

"You three better get going. It's almost time for my morning sponge bath!" Strong Sad chimed.

"Ew...right, right. Come on guys, I don't want to stick around for that." I gagged a bit.

I led The Cheat and Homestar out of the hospital room and towards the parking lot where Bubs was supposed to be waiting for us. Crap. He must of not been back yet. We were only in there for about an half an hour, if not longer. What were we supposed to do in the meantime? Thats when I remembered: The gas station.

It wasn’t much, but it sure beat standing out in the freezing parking lot for the next 25 minutes. 

“Maybe we can get some snacks. I hope they got some of those packaged mini grumble cakes.” I smacked my lips, feeling the rumbling of my stomach. I suppose it has been a few hours since I’ve eaten.

“Oh cool, I can’t eat. I’m dead.” Homestar grumbled.

I groaned. Great, was Homestar going to be a downer all day? I had to find a way to cheer him up. I really missed his annoying laugh, and his goofy smile. Man, what was I even saying? Ignoring Homestar for the moment, The Cheat and I strolled across the street to the gas station. No crosswalks for us, we were men! Plus if one of us were to get hit, the hospital was right behind us.

Despite being across from a decent looking hospital, both the gas station and any surrounding structure didn’t look nearly as nice. The whole area looked as if it hadn't been cleaned since the 1950s. Not that I expect gas stations to be very clean anyway, but still. The windows were tinted with a copper brown hue. There were large cracks scattered along the concret, as if they were about to split open and reveal the underworld below at any second. I never noticed how decayed every inch of this town looked until now. Did anybody else see this?

Walking inside of the gas station’s convenience store was slightly more pleasant. At least the questionable stains everywhere were slightly less noticeable. The Cheat and I wandered around for a moment, taking a gander at all of the options. Homestar sort of dragged along. He would occasionally knock a bag of chips off its shelf and pick it back up again. Something to do, I guess. 

After grabbing a bag of BBQ chips and a soda, I walked past the useless crap isle. Oh you know, that little section of gas stations where they have all of those stupid junk? Like sunglasses, or tiny license plates with common english names on it (like Bort). My eyes fell upon the worst of its kind: the candy dispensers modeled after copyrighted characters. I grabbed one of them to analyze it further. It came with 3 packs of differently flavored “candies”, which all end up tasting like faint fruit, but mostly sidewalk chalk. Meanwhile, Homestar was staring at a display of magazines blankly. The dumbest idea sprung out of my head.

“Hey Homestar, check this thing out! Its stupid and cute, just like you!” I shouted from across the store. Jeez, glad we’re the only ones here right now.

Homestar slowly looked up. After staring for a bit, he floated his way towards me. The ghost grabbed the candy toy out from my hands and kept looking at it. Suddenly, a wide smile spread across his face.

“I think he kinda looks more like you,” Homestar laughed.

Normally, I would have taken that as an insult, but I was simply relieved to have the old Homestar back. I simply laughed in response. I watched as Homestar excitedly swung the packaging around. Homestar had an almost child-like whimsy that was actually pretty charming if you were in the mood to tolerate it.

I soon placed our items onto the counter and waited for the cashier to ring them up. The only problem was, the cashier was nowhere to be found. Strange. I looked around for the moment to see if any other employee was around, but no. The place was deserted.

“Hello?” I called out “Anybody home?”

No response. Well, I assumed nobody was here, so I guess we could just walk out with our stuff and-

“Mmmmerro Masmintilda.” A voice was suddenly heard from behind the counter.

I leaned over, only to see a middle aged man steadily rise up from the floor. When I was finally able to see the man in his entirety, I recognized him right away. The goatee with the mustard stains, the comb over, the physically fit beer belly- this man had it all!

“Oh hey, I didn’t know you worked here! I’ve seen you around town before. What's your name, chief?” I asked, engaging in a bit of small talk.

“The babies call me Senor Cardgage, missy’am.” He responded.

Now honestly, what was a cool dude like him doing working at a dump like this?

“Cool! I’m Strong Bad, this is The Cheat, and-”

“Your wife is gorgeoful”

I paused. “Thank you...I think?”

I had no idea who he was referring to, but we should probably stop wasting his time and go already. I dug through my coat pocket and placed down about 12 bucks in front of him. Cardgage slid the money closer to him before sloppily placing it inside of the register.

“You have a good dow” He then waved goodbye as we gathered our things.  
“You too, man…” I muttered before leaving with the others.

As we left, Homestar whispered to me. “Do you think that guy was a little, gulp, creepy?”

“No?” I shrugged.

The walk back to the hospital parking lot was awkwardly silent, but it wasn’t that far of a trip anyway. Thankfully Bub’s car was back by now. Bubs and Coach Z were standing outside, engaging in some casual chit chat. Coach Z was the first to spot us.

“Ey der! Ready to hit the roard?”

I didn’t respond to him. I simply went back into the car. From now on, it was serious business. No more room for tomfoolery.


End file.
